Wedding Woes

DTMFA

Dear Prudence,
I have a wonderful boyfriend of over a year, and I’m convinced he’s the one. However, we’ve had an on-and-off issue where he gets uncomfortable whenever I go out without him. This isn’t a frequent problem, but once or twice a month I’ll go out to a bar for happy hour or a girls’ night out. I know that he trusts me, but he always texts while I’m out asking if there are lots of guys wherever I am and if they’re hitting on me. The other day, my friend was running late to an after-work happy hour and he insisted on meeting me there to “keep me company” until she arrived, but I know his motive was to make sure no one hit on me as a single woman at the bar. I know where this is coming from, as he was blindsided when his ex cheated on him years ago, subsequently ending the relationship. He went to therapy afterward, but clearly this issue still manifests itself in his insecurity when I go out alone. This isn’t a deal-breaker for me, but is there anything I can do to try to lessen these “protective” measures?

—On a Short Leash

Re: DTMFA

  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Yeah...he's not going to change. Move on, LW.
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    Heffalumpmrsconn23
  • It "isn't a frequent problem" but it seems to happen every time she goes out without him.  Ugh.

    Lol, I would drive this guy batty.  I went to a different country alone for a week without DH (then BF).  I need my alone time.
    OurWildKingdomspockforprez
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    member
    "I know the he trusts me" and freaking out whenever I go out don't really go together.  No... no, he does not trust you.  If he really trusted you, he would trust that you won't cheat on him, regardless of how many guys are around or who hits on you. 

    image 

    MNNEBride
  • Don't text back next time. It would drive me crazy if my SO was demanding my attention on girls night.

  • It may not be a dealbreaker for her, but I learned early on it was for me.  I find that level of paranoia to be the symptom of a weak and immature person.  And they usually have an anger problem, to boot.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I left for two years to go to a different country for school, and now I do sales trips - I've been gone for three weeks in the past month.  If SO had trust issues with me, there would be problems.   I also sometimes watch movies with plot details that make me sad and then go up to SO and tell him things I have not been doing (ex. last week I told him I hadn't cheated on him with multiple guys to feed my heroin addiction).  Anyone with trust issues would  be completely freaked out every time I do this.  (I also have said multiple times that I would forgive him if he accidentally slept with my identical twin if he was unaware that it wasn't me - I should maybe stop watching so much sci-fi/fantasy since it leads to weird conversations).  
    imageimage
    softkittywarmkitty
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