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Wedding Woes

He's doing a fine job ruining his own life.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
edited February 2016 in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
I recently ended a yearlong relationship after my boyfriend became physically violent. I have learned a lot about the mental gymnastics I put myself through to stay in the relationship, but I am finding it very hard to objectively decide if I should report him to my university for domestic violence. The assaults weren’t severe but they did happen multiple times. He also once destroyed my property and physically prevented me from exiting a car. I want to report him to create a record and prevent this from happening again, but I worry that I might be overreacting. I don’t want to ruin his life but I don’t want to further minimize his actions.


—To File or Not

Re: He's doing a fine job ruining his own life.

  • File. Protect future possible partners that might suffer from escalation of this behavior.  The only time I would say there might be an exception if he had already sought treatment for the aggression.
  • papertrails are valuable things.
    (and a papertrail rarely 'ruins' things if it's a one time mistake, but it gives people a chance to deal when it's a pattern.  and it's always gonna be a pattern w this dude)
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Actions have consequences, and I think it's time that he faces the consequences associated with abusing someone.

  • I was in a very similar situation and I did eventually (way, way too late and with too little information) report it. I randomly met and ex of his who told me he did the same things to her, but she never reported it. I wish that she had, I would have known much earlier this was a pattern and not something I was responsible for. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    File for sure.  Paper trails are valuable.  And then I would file a restraining order.  

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would file. Who knows what else he might do in the future, even though they broke up?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • if you report, it's not you who is ruining his life. He ruined it by being a violent asshole, if he gets caught it's his own fault, not yours.

  • File. I had to get an order of protective against an ex. He stole the notice of the court date out of my mail box so I wouldn't show up to court and the order would be dropped. Then he crawled in through my bathroom window in the middle of the night and I had to have him arrested. I hope he learned his lesson and is no longer an angry, possessive, asshole. If he still is, I hope the paper trail helps somebody.

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm of the file camp also; but man I hope she attends a university that knows how to handle these types of reports and protects her from any potential recourse.
  • File, but with the police not the university. 
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