Dear Prudence,
I have one older cousin, “Mara,” whom I never liked. A little background on Mara: She is an only child to divorced parents and has a particular talent of getting sympathy and pity out of anyone. She was fired as a teacher’s aide for having an inappropriate relationship with a teenage boy and was charged as a sex offender. We were not allowed to touch her as children. She has since completed all of her court-mandated lie detector tests and therapy. She does not regret what she did at all, just the consequences. She has since married and moved abroad, but does nothing for work since she lives off of the inheritance from her mother’s death.
My extended family has not spent much time with Mara and consequently feels pity for her. Recently, I learned why my parents despise Mara. When Mara was 13 and my older sister was 6, Mara manipulated my sister into performing a sexual act in front of her to amuse Mara and her boyfriend. My sister told this to my parents, who then told my aunt. I only learned this as an adult, and now I’m sad for my sister, angry that my cousin’s sins are glossed over once more and forgotten about, and worried because my cousin is trying to have kids with her husband. We have to see my awful extended family every year since we co-own an old family cottage (the scene of the crime), but I never want to speak to any of these people again. Can I get away with never saying a word to them again or am I being unreasonable? My sister has no idea that I know, and if I’m ever left with Mara again I might just strangle her.