Wedding Woes

No 'daddy' please.

Dear Prudence,
When I met my boyfriend (who doesn’t have kids) four years ago, my twins were only 1. He is a wonderful guy and the only dad they’ve ever known, and we’re in it for the long haul. Here’s the problem: He absolutely refuses to let them call him “Dad” or “Daddy.” They call him by his first name, but refer to him as “my dad” (which he doesn’t mind). However, they often ask if they’re allowed to call him “Dad,” and he won’t let them and won’t really explain why. I know he loves them, but it makes my kids sad that they can’t call him by what he means to them. When I asked my boyfriend, he said he prefers to be called his real name. What should I do?

—Just Jim, Thanks

Re: No 'daddy' please.

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    I agree, Mrs. Conn.

    "Dad" means different things to different people. To this guy, it may mean biological and he's not comfortable with that. LW needs to let it go.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    MesmrEwePrettyGirlLost
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    You can call someone first name (or something else.  Or even "dingbat") and have it be an expression of love and acceptance; you can call someone 'mommy' and have it be an expression of loathing.

    Make it about something other than the words Mrs. Conn.
    ShesSoColdmrsconn23OurWildKingdom
  • OMG! My stepdad came in when my little brother was 8 (he's 17 now). My father had died a year previously. My stepdad is the only real dad my brother has known. My stepdad has just recently acquiesced to being called "dad" and more recently, "grandpa", it's taken almost 10 years!

    This is definitely something that should not be forced and should never be expected. 
    MesmrEwe
  • I lost my dad as a kid, and would have never called anyone else "dad," because we were so close. If I started dating someone with a kid, I think I'd feel like an interloper if they called me "mom," since I had such strong emotions about it when I was a kid, even if everyone else pushed for it.

    It may have nothing to do with LW, her kids, or their relationship, and everything to do with his relationship with his own parents.
    OurWildKingdom
  • I lost my dad as a kid, and would have never called anyone else "dad," because we were so close. If I started dating someone with a kid, I think I'd feel like an interloper if they called me "mom," since I had such strong emotions about it when I was a kid, even if everyone else pushed for it.

    It may have nothing to do with LW, her kids, or their relationship, and everything to do with his relationship with his own parents.
    My cousin had this problem on his wedding day.  Cousin's dad died when he was 8.  Step dad came into the picture when he was a young teen.  Step dad, while he's MY "uncle Mike", has never been cousin's 'dad'.  Then, his bride's dad decides he wants his new son-in-law to call him "dad".  I think my sister was able to give cousin the words to explain why that was never going to happen when they stayed up drinking the night before the wedding.  "I've never even been able to call Mike "dad", I think it would hurt his feelings if I started calling you "dad.""
  • I think he's right.  Thank goodness none of my mother's exes wanted me to call them "Dad".
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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