Wedding Woes

I have a lot of questions about Jack and what he knows or does not know...

Dear Prudence,
I became friends with “Jack” a few years ago, and we became very close (I am female). Two years ago, I was invited on a camping trip with him, his girlfriend, and a number of their friends I’d never met before. When I got to the campsite, I met the guy I was to share a tent with (“Steve’”). Shortly after being introduced, Steve made some very uncomfortable jokes at my expense, made a pass at me, and then, when I rebuffed him, told me he would “rape me in my sleep that night.” I refused to share a tent with him after that, and so I slept with Jack’s girlfriend in their tent, and Jack shared with Steve. A few days later, Jack told me that he had been trying to set me and Steve up, and that he felt I was rude for rejecting Steve and thought I should have just “taken one for the team” instead of splitting him and his girlfriend up for the night. Our friendship was never the same after that interaction, and we grew apart.

Now I have moved to the other side of the country and lost touch with Jack completely. I received a message from Jack the other day saying that he would by traveling to my city and wanted to know if I’d like to meet up. I do miss his friendship, but I am still upset over what happened at the camping trip. Was it unreasonable of me to distance myself from Steve that weekend? Should I meet up with Jack and explain why that episode (and his reaction to it) was so upsetting? Or should I just ignore the message and let our friendship go completely?

—Old Friend Wants In


Re: I have a lot of questions about Jack and what he knows or does not know...

  • No it was not unreasonable. Jack's responce was fucked up. 

    Personally, I would have coffee and see what happens. Maybe he'll bring up the camping incident or the waning friendship and you can explain it to him. Maybe he won't and you can let the friendship fade off.
    PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueens
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think telling Jack "uhm, why would I want to hang with you?" and seeing if he wants to apologize right off the get go would save time, when someone is that assy.

    OurWildKingdom
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think Jack was worried about his boner more than his friend's happiness or safety.  Also, I think it's fucked up that Jack was like, "Share a tent with this stranger!"  

    She should meet with him since this still upsets her.  LW should tell Jack in the clearest terms possible that his jackass friend threatened to rape her.  And that he went about a set-up in the completely wrong fashion.  

    And a big fat "UGH" to her even having to ask if she was the unreasonable one. 
    Yep.

    Either Jack is a total social idiot or he's a huge asshat. . . or both.

    As the LW, I'd consider having a Come to Jesus coffee with Jack to make it very clear as to why I thought the camping trip and his subsequent reaction to my issues with the trip were totally fucked.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    mrsconn23OliveOilsMomwink0erin
  • I'm still amazed at the part where Jack assumed that LW would be okay with sleeping in the same tent with a guy as a blind date sort of set up and was upset with her that she wasn't okay with it.
    OurWildKingdomscrunchythieflnixon8
  • edited April 2016
    I didn't really bat an eye at the sharing a tent thing. I used to go camping in groups a lot in my younger years. It was common for someone to crash in someone elses tent, whether they had just met them or not. No one was expected to put out or share a sleeping bag. 

    ETA: No one was trying to set people up though. It sounds like LW found this out after the fact, not before she agreed to share a tent.
  • I didn't really bat an eye at the sharing a tent thing. I used to go camping in groups a lot in my younger years. It was common for someone to crash in someone elses tent, whether they had just met them or not. No one was expected to put out or share a sleeping bag. 

    ETA: No one was trying to set people up though. It sounds like LW found this out after the fact, not before she agreed to share a tent.
    LW might have found out after the fact, but it seems that Jack and Steve knew that was the deal going into the camping trip which just makes the situation that much worse.
    mrsconn23[Deleted User]
  • geebee908 said:
    I didn't really bat an eye at the sharing a tent thing. I used to go camping in groups a lot in my younger years. It was common for someone to crash in someone elses tent, whether they had just met them or not. No one was expected to put out or share a sleeping bag. 

    ETA: No one was trying to set people up though. It sounds like LW found this out after the fact, not before she agreed to share a tent.
    LW might have found out after the fact, but it seems that Jack and Steve knew that was the deal going into the camping trip which just makes the situation that much worse.



    ---------------pretend there is a box--------------

    Agreed.
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