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Wedding Woes

Ugh. Fred's a douche and letter writer is an idiot.

Dear Prudence,
My cousins had very dysfunctional childhoods and have had some problems with substance abuse. Despite this, we remain fairly close and still visit often. Last Thanksgiving, I was surprised to see one cousin (Fred), with his girlfriend at the time (Nancy) and their toddler in tow. His girlfriend is educated, sweet, kind, and an amazing mother who has devoted all her time to a baby born with some developmental difficulties. While Fred and Nancy are no longer together, he is convinced they will reunite someday, and he refers to her as his fiancée. The major problem, his mother revealed to us, is that he fathered a second child with a one-night stand while he and Nancy were together. He is a charmer but no prize and, I sense, abusive. Nancy has asked us for advice on how to handle Fred’s drinking or obnoxious behavior. I feel more of an obligation to Nancy than I do to my own kin, who is a lying cheat, but he is still family.

When I asked Fred how long he plans to run this charade, he replied, “Forever.” To make matters worse, after Nancy left on Thanksgiving, he proceeded to show off photos of the “other” baby. Fast forward to this past Mother’s Day: Fred arrived with his other daughter and was oblivious as to why the family was so disgusted. How can we avoid hurting Nancy and unwillingly supporting him? Should she just receive an anonymous letter one day explaining it all? We felt forced through these surprise visits to go along with this lie and to act as though his second indiscretion does not exist.

—Fair-Weather Cousin

Re: Ugh. Fred's a douche and letter writer is an idiot.

  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2016
    Grr. Double post. 

    But still...my feelings:


    Heffalump
  • Maybe idiot is harsh, but writing to Prudie with this bullshit is utterly ridic.   Especially since she's a 3rd party and owes Fred nothing. 
    ShesSoCold
  • I'm so confused.  They're no longer together, he calls her his fiance, what?

    If they're not together, then I'm not sure she even needs to know about this other kid.
    mrsconn23OliveOilsMomKnottie1452098987
  • She owes Fred nothing.  But has anyone said, "Fred, if you're going to be an ass then don't be surprised that we treat you like you're an ass." 


    OurWildKingdomOliveOilsMomSP29
  • Why are these people disgusted that he shows them pictures of, and brings to thanksgiving, his 'other' daughter? Is she not just as much his daughter/her niece? Or do you only get legitimate status if your mother is sweet and well educated? I have no doubt Fred is a twat but the rest of the family sound just as bad.
    Like when the letter writer referred to his second child as "his indiscretion".  (rolling eyes)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    OurWildKingdom
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why are these people disgusted that he shows them pictures of, and brings to thanksgiving, his 'other' daughter? Is she not just as much his daughter/her niece? Or do you only get legitimate status if your mother is sweet and well educated? I have no doubt Fred is a twat but the rest of the family sound just as bad.
    Ugh. Seriously. If this were my brother, I would a) tell him directly that he's being a jackass, b) tell Nancy so she doesn't have to sort-of be with him any more (maybe brother can eventually grow from this and be less shitty to the next person), c) ask to meet my other niece and love both of them, because they're little kids who are related to me and their dad's asshole behavior isn't their fault.
    OurWildKingdomkimmiinthemittenYogaSandycharlotte989875
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Why are these people disgusted that he shows them pictures of, and brings to thanksgiving, his 'other' daughter? Is she not just as much his daughter/her niece? Or do you only get legitimate status if your mother is sweet and well educated? I have no doubt Fred is a twat but the rest of the family sound just as bad.
    I was thinking the same thing.
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Why are these people disgusted that he shows them pictures of, and brings to thanksgiving, his 'other' daughter? Is she not just as much his daughter/her niece? Or do you only get legitimate status if your mother is sweet and well educated? I have no doubt Fred is a twat but the rest of the family sound just as bad.
    Like when the letter writer referred to his second child as "his indiscretion".  (rolling eyes)
    Just noticed that. She's a child, a HUMAN BEING, not an ill-advised interview or sex tape.
    mrsconn23Heffalump
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