Wedding Woes

Four friends in the world

Dear Prudence,
One of my closest friends has never liked any boyfriend I’ve had. Recently she emailed me a link to a pornographic video of my boyfriend and another girl with the caption “Thought you should know” and a smiley face. I told her I already knew about it, that it was from before we met, and that I was tired of her hating my boyfriends. Only the last part is true. I didn’t know about the video, and when my boyfriend and I talked (yelled, really) about it, I found out it was filmed after we met but before we became exclusive. We broke up. I haven’t heard from my friend since that email. I miss her, but I hate her jealousy. She’s done stuff like this with every boyfriend I’ve had, trying to break us up. But I hate not having her in my life. If she tries to make amends, should I let her back into my life? Usually when this kind of thing happens, she waits a week or two and then emails or texts and we’re friends again. But I don’t know if she’ll ever change. Is it worth trying again, since she was right, and he wasn’t really a great guy?

—Two Breakups

Re: Four friends in the world

  • The fact that this guys is liar is separate from the fact that the friend is overly involved in LW's relationship. She had to have gone looking for things on the boyfriend and I'm guessing this didn't come up on the first page of a Google search. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • I wonder if LW has a history of dating the same kind of man? If the friend is such a close friend, I can understand being concerned about repeating choices in men. She was obviously right about this one.
    lc07OurWildKingdom
  • Dear Prudence,
    One of my closest friends has never liked any boyfriend I’ve had. Recently she emailed me a link to a pornographic video of my boyfriend and another girl with the caption “Thought you should know” and a smiley face. I told her I already knew about it, that it was from before we met, and that I was tired of her hating my boyfriends. Only the last part is true. I didn’t know about the video, and when my boyfriend and I talked (yelled, really) about it, I found out it was filmed after we met but before we became exclusive. We broke up. I haven’t heard from my friend since that email. I miss her, but I hate her jealousy. She’s done stuff like this with every boyfriend I’ve had, trying to break us up. But I hate not having her in my life. If she tries to make amends, should I let her back into my life? Usually when this kind of thing happens, she waits a week or two and then emails or texts and we’re friends again. But I don’t know if she’ll ever change. Is it worth trying again, since she was right, and he wasn’t really a great guy?

    —Two Breakups

    None of this sounds like jealousy to me, although I agree with @charlotte989875 in wondering the lengths this friend went to in order to unearth that gem.  While the friend's methods may be intrusive and questionable, I think LW did their friendship a disservice by lying about her knowledge of the video.  The friend did LW a favor in this case, regardless of whether or not that is true of past boyfriends.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    JediElizabethOurWildKingdom
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