Dear Prudence,
My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. She is manipulative and mentally ill. (She refuses to see a professional, so we can’t confirm our suspicions that she is bipolar.) She also has a progressive, debilitating illness that confines her to her home with the help of paid aides. She spent four months hospitalized this year, forcing us to take care of her dog Maggie as we were also caring for my terminally ill grandmother. Unfortunately, our dog and my mom’s dog were unable to get along (two emergency vet trips with stitches), and we had to find a new home for Maggie. Between my grandmother’s death and our inability to care for the dog, my relationship with my mother has deteriorated drastically. She told me I am less important to her than a dog she owned for five months, has verbally abused me repeatedly about my shortcomings as a daughter, threatened to sue me to get the dog back, harassed my colleague (who now owns the dog), and ignored my calls, texts, and emails for days on end while disparaging me online for abandoning her. Now she is answering all of my entreaties with “Please give Maggie back, please” but otherwise refusing to speak when I call. To make matters worse, my grandmother didn’t think my mom could make smart financial decisions and put my mom’s share of the estate into a trust, and this has caused an entirely different drama. At what point am I allowed to stop torturing us both and end this relationship?