Wedding Woes

Was your whole marriage like this?

Dear Prudence,
I am in the process of ending my 20-year marriage. For the last year, I have been talking to a former co-worker online who went through a similar process a year ago. Our conversations are platonic, about relationships and how I’m feeling, and are a source of support for me. My friend has a habit of saying “I’ll talk to you after lunch” and then not communicating for a day or so. When she does come back online, no mention is made of her final comment. I find it disingenuous not to make note of the fact that she didn’t follow through, and I have told her so. I have also explained that I don’t expect her to be available or to keep her word to the letter, but that it speaks to a lack of concern to skip over a dangling promise. I recently told her that I could not continue to talk under these circumstances. I am struggling with self-esteem issues and need support and validation to help me through my transition. It kills me to not talk to her, but I am tired of ruminating over this perceived slight. Am I being oversensitive?

—Silence Is the Best Medicine


Re: Was your whole marriage like this?

  • I understand how hard it is not to take it personally, but LW needs to apologize to her friend, relax, and build up a bigger support network.
  • I agree LW needs to get a bigger support group.  I think s/he also takes everything too literal.  Would s/he be just as upset if the sign off was "Talk to you later"?  I hope LW can work on their self-esteem. 

    Also, expanding to an online support group for people going through divorce or for self-esteem issues could do this person wonders.  It could also save their friendship.  Friend may be feeling very overwhelmed trying to be the sole source of comfort for LW.

  • Sounds like LW really needs to get themselves into counselling. Maybe with some steady, focused time set aside to deal with whatever she needs support with they might feel a little more relaxed and not SWF her/his friend. 
  • I agree with PP's. I might take something like this personally (by accident) even though it wasn't meant that way. LW really needs a support group, counselor, or a stronger network of friends to support him/her.

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