Wedding Woes

Jealousy + sneakiness = MFEO

Dear Prudence,
My long-term boyfriend works as a professional film crew member with long hours and an unpredictable schedule. I’m uncomfortable with the level of intimacy that crew members develop with each other on long shoots. Two years ago, one of his co-workers frequently Snapchatted him and posted flirtatious status updates on social media. He insisted nothing was going on, and we had a huge argument. More recently, we went through a rough patch while he was away for six months. I caught him deleting text messages he was sending to another woman. He says that he was just asking for relationship advice and he only deleted them because I fly off the handle whenever he talks to any other woman. He claimed he also asked a male co-worker the same questions. I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to have very close friendships with women, but I also don’t like him confiding in random male co-workers about our relationship. I have a jealous streak and acknowledge this may not be a healthy attitude. However, it’s not uncommon for crew people to hook up with each other, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to tell if he’s cheating on me due to his erratic schedule. He feels that I am too domineering. How can I be understanding but also establish healthy boundaries? We’ve discussed counseling but haven’t gone yet.

—Infidelity Anxiety

Re: Jealousy + sneakiness = MFEO

  • Holy shitballs.   If she needs to know where her SO is all the time she's never going to have a successful relationship.

    And if the BF is hiding things from her it's a sign that things aren't going well.   

    It's time to get off the pot. 
    OliveOilsMomkimmiinthemittencharlotte989875
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    There really isn't much to say except, why are you both still in this relationship?  It's not working on so many levels.  I don't think its worth working out in therapy.  They are not fundamentally compatible just on LW's BF's work schedule alone.  LW obviously needs someone with a more steady (location-wise) job.

    *Barbie*japrincess24
  • There really isn't much to say except, why are you both still in this relationship?  It's not working on so many levels.  I don't think its worth working out in therapy.  They are not fundamentally compatible just on LW's BF's work schedule alone.  LW obviously needs someone with a more steady (location-wise) job.

    Agreed.   But LW needs her own level of therapy.     DH is in a pretty standard 9-5 M-F job but he still goes out without me.    LW needs to get past her insecurities. 
    JediElizabeth
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree that LW shouldn't police her SO, however, a lot of this reminds me of what my ex used to do, and he was definitely texting other women.  LW's instincts might not be far off either.  He's deleting texts. That's never a good sign. 


    image
    SP29
  • I worked in theatre for years and having many friends that work in movies, and she either needs to get over it or get out. People do get close, some people hook up, not most of the time though. He would have to give up his career to make her comfortable.
    OurWildKingdomkimmiinthemitten
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Either she's jealous unreasonably or she's jealous because he's cheating. 
    Kinda sounds like it's time to break it off either way?
    kimmiinthemitten
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    Dear Prudence,
    My long-term boyfriend works as a professional film crew member with long hours and an unpredictable schedule. I’m uncomfortable with the level of intimacy that crew members develop with each other on long shoots. Two years ago, one of his co-workers frequently Snapchatted him and posted flirtatious status updates on social media. He insisted nothing was going on, and we had a huge argument. More recently, we went through a rough patch while he was away for six months. I caught him deleting text messages he was sending to another woman. He says that he was just asking for relationship advice and he only deleted them because I fly off the handle whenever he talks to any other woman. He claimed he also asked a male co-worker the same questions. I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to have very close friendships with women, but I also don’t like him confiding in random male co-workers about our relationship. I have a jealous streak and acknowledge this may not be a healthy attitude. However, it’s not uncommon for crew people to hook up with each other, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to tell if he’s cheating on me due to his erratic schedule. He feels that I am too domineering. How can I be understanding but also establish healthy boundaries? We’ve discussed counseling but haven’t gone yet.

    —Infidelity Anxiety

    This part is crazy for me. So, let's say there's something he wants to discuss with a friend...he's not allowed to do that? I have no idea if he's cheating, but I think she's being unreasonable.
    I agree that LW is being unreasonable. So is he not allowed to be friends with anyone?
    SP29crowsgirl15
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