The time to come clean is ticking down

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
I have been married to my husband for over 20 years. He is a career military man, and I’ve followed him all over the world and loved every minute of it. We are due to retire soon. For years, he’s been saying he wants to retire close to his family. The problem? I don’t like the area of the country where his family lives. I don’t care where we live, but I don’t want it to be there. This isn’t because of his family: They are lovely people. But where they live it is cold nine months out of the year. There isn’t much in the way to do except hunting and fishing, and I don’t care for that. For years, when this topic has come up I’ve gone along with it, because it seemed so far away. But now that it is becoming a reality, I just don’t know how to open this conversation. I don’t think “Honey, I’ve lied to you for years” would go over too well.

—Leaving the Military

banana468

The only way I can see her leading in here is with a "The more I think about it..."

FFS though.   Learn to speak up for yourself and you won't have the issue that you've led him on for decades.  

mrsconn23

Honestly? I can see this being a common issue.  

I think people who are in the military (or another job that requires you move around and/or be far away for a long time), romanticize 'home' (good, bad, or indifferent).   And if you decide to stay in until retirement, 20 years of someone else telling you where to live can make the 'future' seem far off and something that will come later.  So I'm sure it was easier for her to be all, "Sure, sure...we'll move to your hometown."   She just made the mistake of not changing the conversation in the last 5 years.  

She needs to stop hemming and hawing and open a discussion so they can (hopefully) compromise on where to live. 

AddieCake

I hope she speaks up before they move and she's miserable. 

OliveOilsMom

Perhaps, if the funds are available they can compromise and get a place in LW's H's hometown and a place that is more amendable to LW.  They can stay for a few months in the H's hometown when the weather is nice and move to the other place during the not nice months.  If they can rent out the places when they are not there, they might also make some extra money.

Either way, LW needs to start talking now!

MesmrEwe

... If he's RETIRED - then you can argue for the house in the cold then become a snowbird to where SHE wants to live the other months of the year like everyone else who has worked hard and saved their whole lives!!  LW needs to learn to speak up for herself that she doesn't want to live like us Minnesotans/Wisconsonites/Yoopers!

baconsmom

Where is it cold 9 months of the year? I may need to move. 

-- It's been 100 degrees here for a week and I am not having it. 

OurWildKingdom

baconsmom said:

Where is it cold 9 months of the year? I may need to move. 

-- It's been 100 degrees here for a week and I am not having it. 

I could deal with cold if it weren't accompanied by 16+ hours of darkness.

MissKittyDanger

baconsmom said:

Where is it cold 9 months of the year? I may need to move. 

-- It's been 100 degrees here for a week and I am not having it. 

Northern parts of Canada. Quite a few of the provinces - Ontario, Manitoba, Saskatchewan typically - are colder.

kimmiinthemitten

MissKittyDanger said:

baconsmom said:

Where is it cold 9 months of the year? I may need to move. 

-- It's been 100 degrees here for a week and I am not having it. 

Northern parts of Canada. Quite a few of the provinces - Ontario, Manitoba, Saskatchewan typically - are colder.

Ha!  As a Michigander, I wondered the same thing. It's not that bad...even here!

MissKittyDanger

kimmiinthemitten said:

MissKittyDanger said:

baconsmom said:

Where is it cold 9 months of the year? I may need to move. 

-- It's been 100 degrees here for a week and I am not having it. 

Northern parts of Canada. Quite a few of the provinces - Ontario, Manitoba, Saskatchewan typically - are colder.

Ha!  As a Michigander, I wondered the same thing. It's not that bad...even here!

I live in somewhat South-Eastern Ontario and it can get damn cold in winter. Past couple ones have been -40 with wind chill. That being said, summer here can be hot as hell too -.-'!