Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Recent Activity

oliviaggibson earned the First Anniversary badge.

Thanks for sticking with us for a full year.

4:48AM
oliviaggibson earned the Second Anniversary badge.

Thanks for sticking with us for 2 years.

4:48AM
oliviaggibson earned the Third Anniversary badge.

Thanks for sticking with us for 3 years.

4:48AM
oliviaggibson earned the Fourth Anniversary badge.

Thanks for sticking with us for 4 years.

4:48AM

This Week's Leaders in Wedding Classifieds

shop accessories,
jewelry, and more

Wedding Etiquette Forum

Activities Day Before Wedding

Knottie1457144485 member

First Anniversary

First Comment

September 2016 in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Hi All,

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding of a friend out of state. I was already planning to spend the wedding day and the rehearsal dinner the night before with her and the other bridesmaids. She now wants us to spend the morning of the rehearsal having brunch and getting our nails done. I feel like if she wants to add activities on Sunday they should be co-ed. I don't know what to do with my husband since he doesn't know anyone and will be alone for two whole days now...

~Annoyed Bridesmaid

0 Reply to Post

Re: Activities Day Before Wedding

LondonLisa member

September 2016

Knottie1457144485 said:

Hi All,

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding of a friend out of state. I was already planning to spend the wedding day and the rehearsal dinner the night before with her and the other bridesmaids. She now wants us to spend the morning of the rehearsal having brunch and getting our nails done. I feel like if she wants to add activities on Sunday they should be co-ed. I don't know what to do with my husband since he doesn't know anyone and will be alone for two whole days now...

~Annoyed Bridesmaid

No is not a naughty word. Just say you can't make it but are looking forward to the rehearsal and wedding. You don't need to give an excuse. It isn't a summons.

Report16 Reply
PrettyGirlLost member

September 2016

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1457144485 said:

Hi All,

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding of a friend out of state. I was already planning to spend the wedding day and the rehearsal dinner the night before with her and the other bridesmaids. She now wants us to spend the morning of the rehearsal having brunch and getting our nails done. I feel like if she wants to add activities on Sunday they should be co-ed. I don't know what to do with my husband since he doesn't know anyone and will be alone for two whole days now...

~Annoyed Bridesmaid

No is not a naughty word. Just say you can't make it but are looking forward to the rehearsal and wedding. You don't need to give an excuse. It isn't a summons.

Your husband should be invited to the rehearsal dinner, since he is your spouse. And if he isn't, I wouldn't attend the dinner.

I also wouldn't attend brunch if he wasn't invited.

Like Lisa said, No isn't a four letter word, and even if it was, who the fuck cares? ;-)

"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."

Report4 Reply
ei34 member

September 2016 edited September 2016

You're totally reasonable to not want to do brunch/nails in addition to the RD, and the whole wedding day. If you feel the need to elaborate past simply telling her no, you could say that since you and your H are traveling to another state, you want to spend some time together in a different place.

ETA: why will your H be alone for two whole days? Was he not invited to the RD and wedding? If so that's super messed up on your friend's part!

Report11 Reply
SP29 member

September 2016

Decline the invitation for brunch/nails.

You are not required to attend any of these additional events beyond showing up on time for the ceremony in your agreed upon attire.

Report0 Reply
Knottie1457144485 member

September 2016

Thanks all! My sister (who is my MOH next year) thinks I'm being a crazy person. To answer Eileen's question, he is invited to the RD and wedding but essentially will be on his own during the day on both days because of all the getting ready type stuff on the day of.
Worst part is I asked her what the guys are doing (maybe he could hang out with them) but they don't have any plans.)

P.S. The part I left out of the story is that the wedding is at Disney (on a Monday night). So attending the brunch means not going to the park since it would be silly to buy a park pass for a half day there.

Report0 Reply
madamerwin member

September 2016

Knottie1457144485 said:

Thanks all! My sister (who is my MOH next year) thinks I'm being a crazy person. To answer Eileen's question, he is invited to the RD and wedding but essentially will be on his own during the day on both days because of all the getting ready type stuff on the day of.
Worst part is I asked her what the guys are doing (maybe he could hang out with them) but they don't have any plans.)

P.S. The part I left out of the story is that the wedding is at Disney (on a Monday night). So attending the brunch means not going to the park since it would be silly to buy a park pass for a half day there.

Yeah, I would tell her that since you're only in town for a few days, you and your H want to spend the day at Disney the day before the wedding. There's nothing wrong with declining day-before activities.

Report9 Reply
MobKaz member

September 2016

If the wedding doesn't begin until early evening, how can she possibly require you to be with her all day? There is only so much "getting ready" you can do. My daughter had a 3:00 PM ceremony. Her BM's started hair and make up @9:00 AM, took the majority of their pictures prior to the wedding ceremony, and still had some "down time".

You and your husband should be able to spend the majority of the day before the wedding together. I would think you and your husband should have time for a nice breakfast together on the day of the wedding as well.

Report3 Reply
[Deleted User] member

September 2016

Also, day at Disneyland >>>>> pre wedding brunch.

Report12 Reply
ei34 member

September 2016

Knottie1457144485 said:

Thanks all! My sister (who is my MOH next year) thinks I'm being a crazy person. To answer Eileen's question, he is invited to the RD and wedding but essentially will be on his own during the day on both days because of all the getting ready type stuff on the day of.
Worst part is I asked her what the guys are doing (maybe he could hang out with them) but they don't have any plans.)

P.S. The part I left out of the story is that the wedding is at Disney (on a Monday night). So attending the brunch means not going to the park since it would be silly to buy a park pass for a half day there.

Man I never see my name like that on here. Feels funny, but kind of nice
OP, I'd definitely forgo brunch for some Disney time. A destination wedding is a vacation for you and your H with the exception of the wedding...enjoy the surrounding days. And your H won't be alone during the wedding reception (hopefully the bride's sitting you guys together), just the earlier part of the day.
Does your H even know the other guys? I wouldn't want to hang out with the SO's of BP members unless I knew them (but of course you know H better than me). I'd stick to the RD and ceremony/reception, and make the most of your time there with non-wedding-related activities the rest of the time. Good luck!

Report2 Reply
MandyMost member

September 2016

You of course have every right to decline anything you don't want to do, but it's pretty typical for the bridesmaids and other female VIPs to do stuff together the day before the wedding. I had a lunch then we got our nails done before the rehearsal dinner--both were just the women. Some had their husbands in town with them (most of my friends/bridal party had to travel for the wedding), and I guess they just entertained themselves. They definitely weren't invited to our ladies-only lunch or manis/pedis. Everyone came to the rehearsal dinner, though.

The day of the wedding again it was just the women for the "getting ready" which I think started around 10 or 11 for my 5:30 wedding. I don't know what their dates/husbands did during that time.

Report1 Reply
thisismynickname2 member

September 2016

MandyMost said:

You of course have every right to decline anything you don't want to do, but it's pretty typical for the bridesmaids and other female VIPs to do stuff together the day before the wedding. I had a lunch then we got our nails done before the rehearsal dinner--both were just the women. Some had their husbands in town with them (most of my friends/bridal party had to travel for the wedding), and I guess they just entertained themselves. They definitely weren't invited to our ladies-only lunch or manis/pedis. Everyone came to the rehearsal dinner, though.

The day of the wedding again it was just the women for the "getting ready" which I think started around 10 or 11 for my 5:30 wedding. I don't know what their dates/husbands did during that time.

I think the issue is that there's stuff the morning of the rehearsal, and it's a destination wedding. It sounds to me like two full days of wedding crap, which is definitely overkill.
I got my nails done the day before my wedding by myself. No idea if my bridesmaids even did their nails at all. We didn't have a rehearsal nor RD. But the day of the wedding, we met up to get hair done at 11:30. Did our own makeup, got pre-wedding portraits done, and had downtime before the 6pm ceremony.

The day before the wedding, decline excess bonding crap if you'd rather spend time having fun with your husband. You're paying a lot of money to go there- enjoy it!

________________________________

Report8 Reply
Jen4948 member

September 2016

You can say no: "Unfortunately, it won't be possible for me to join you for the brunch and doing nails. We'll see you that night at the rehearsal dinner, and of course at the wedding."

Report5 Reply
madamerwin member

September 2016

MandyMost said:

You of course have every right to decline anything you don't want to do, but it's pretty typical for the bridesmaids and other female VIPs to do stuff together the day before the wedding. I had a lunch then we got our nails done before the rehearsal dinner--both were just the women. Some had their husbands in town with them (most of my friends/bridal party had to travel for the wedding), and I guess they just entertained themselves. They definitely weren't invited to our ladies-only lunch or manis/pedis. Everyone came to the rehearsal dinner, though.

The day of the wedding again it was just the women for the "getting ready" which I think started around 10 or 11 for my 5:30 wedding. I don't know what their dates/husbands did during that time.

We got our nails done the day before the wedding, but it was definitely NOT required. Like, I told my BMs and other female friends and family members I was going to get my nails done at X place at X time, and they could come if they wanted. Most of them did choose to come, and my sister then coordinated snacks. But it was by no means a requirement, or framed as "bonding" time. Just a bunch of ladies who wanted to get their nails done. They asked what I was doing after, and I told them I was putting bouquets together at my house and if anyone wanted to hang out while I did it they could come over, and about half of them did. But again, it was a casual "come if you want" thing, not a required activity.

On the morning of the wedding, it was the same thing. I had a hair stylist coming to the hotel, and she said she could do my BMs' hair as well if they wanted. So I told all of the BMs that if they wanted their hair done, it would cost $X amount and take about 30 minutes each. I let them coordinate who would come for which time slot. My sisters all showed up at 9am, but other BMs trickled in between 10am and noon.

Report5 Reply
PrettyGirlLost member

September 2016 edited September 2016

MandyMost said:

You of course have every right to decline anything you don't want to do, but it's pretty typical for the bridesmaids and other female VIPs to do stuff together the day before the wedding. I had a lunch then we got our nails done before the rehearsal dinner--both were just the women. Some had their husbands in town with them (most of my friends/bridal party had to travel for the wedding), and I guess they just entertained themselves. They definitely weren't invited to our ladies-only lunch or manis/pedis. Everyone came to the rehearsal dinner, though.

The day of the wedding again it was just the women for the "getting ready" which I think started around 10 or 11 for my 5:30 wedding. I don't know what their dates/husbands did during that time.

It's nice to arrange optional pre-wedding activities, and even better if these activities aren't gender exclusive when everyone is coming from OOT. But optional is the operative word.

OP you are not acting like a crazy person; why on earth would you want to drag your husband OOT for two days for a wedding and then ditch him pretty much the entire time? That's crazy.

A lot of women get caught up in the Hollywood vision of weddings, where the women spend days on end prior to the wedding doing super awesome fun girl stuff, while the guys all hang out together in an extended bachelor party.

This is not really how reality works. In reality no one is as excited about your wedding as you are, and if your guests are traveling into town with SO's and dates, then they actually prefer to spend as much time with those people as possible. . . hence why they brought them. This includes people in your wedding party.

DH and I have been to a lot of OOT weddings in the past 5 years. Luckily the trend for the majority of these weddings has been that any pre wedding activities were co-ed. . . I think as people experience being in more and more weddings they start to realize how rude a lot of what is generally accepted actually is, and they amend their own plans accordingly.

"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."

Report11 Reply
SP29 member

September 2016

Ironring said:

Also, day at Disneyland >>>>> pre wedding brunch.

My thoughts exactly.

I'd tell the bride, "Sorry, can't come to brunch/nails, we've got passes for Disneyland bought already".

Report3 Reply
Knottie1457144485 member

September 2016

Thank you all! I just sent her a response. I'm ultra-sensitive to all this right now because she's a bridesmaid in my wedding next year and is coming up for my shower in 2 weeks.

Report0 Reply
hunnybeart member

September 2016

Knottie1457144485 said:

Hi All,

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding of a friend out of state. I was already planning to spend the wedding day and the rehearsal dinner the night before with her and the other bridesmaids. She now wants us to spend the morning of the rehearsal having brunch and getting our nails done. I feel like if she wants to add activities on Sunday they should be co-ed. I don't know what to do with my husband since he doesn't know anyone and will be alone for two whole days now...

~Annoyed Bridesmaid

Knottie1457144485 said:

Thank you all! I just sent her a response. I'm ultra-sensitive to all this right now because she's a bridesmaid in my wedding next year and is coming up for my shower in 2 weeks.

Yeah I'm with everyone else, politely decline and enjoy the park.

To the bolded though, did you mean fiance?

Report3 Reply

This discussion has been closed.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards