Wedding Woes
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It's honest conversation time

Dear Prudence,
I graduated from college two years ago and settled into a job that I like. I am not making tons of money but I am paying off my student loans while having an incredible life with my girlfriend. She is funny, smart, and the light of my life, as corny as that sounds. We have been together four years and I am so very happy right now. But the future is scaring me. My girlfriend is eight years older than me and will be finishing her Ph.D. this year. Many of her friends are married with kids or focusing on careers in far-off corners of the world. She has been anxious lately and talking more seriously about kids. I know her three older sisters have had fertility troubles so this is probably going to be do-or-die time. I love her, I can picture us getting married, picture her as the mother of my kids, but just not right now. My sister called me a coward when I told her this and told me to either commit to my girlfriend and propose or quit and let her find someone else. I am terrified of losing my girlfriend. I can’t imagine my life without her but I can’t see myself changing diapers a year from now. What should I do?

—Commit or Quit

Re: It's honest conversation time

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    SP29 said:
    He should talk to his girlfriend and tell her all this.

    Relationships are about compromise. It's fair that he doesn't want children right now, also fair if she does. But they have to discuss it and see where they are in life.

    Yep.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    If LW absolutely doesn't want kids and GF does - then he should cut it off now!  Have the conversations!  Why is communicating SO FREAKING HARD?!?!?!  Better for both to decide "deal breaker" than get married and absolutely miserable because of having/not having kids, or worse disagreeing about this AFTER being married and have to pay for a divorce, or have kids and be a resentful/uninvolved parent which can really screw a kid up. 
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    Just bc her sisters has fertility issues doesn't mean she will. One of my sisters has PCOS and the other idk what but needed IVF to get pregnant. I got knocked up the second month trying. Most of my friends and 95% of my coworkers have or started having kids a few years ago. Didn't mean I suddenly wanted them. We waited until we were BOTH ready.  

    Wtf is wrong with people? Just talk to her, FFS
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    Every week there's a Prudie where the answer is "talk about it" or "nope."  This weeks is "talk about it."
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    How are you with someone for four years and they're the light of your life and you're unable to talk about the big things?  I get him being afraid of the outcome, but if the gf is so important, doesn't she deserve his honesty?

    And yay congrats @OliveOilsMom :)
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    OMG @OliveOilsMom!!!  YAY!!  I'm partial to March babies, as DefConn is one.  H&H 9 months to you!

    And yes @redwoodoriginal, my younger sister has fertility issues.  My older sister and I just had to say we wanted to get pregnant and it was so.  My mom also had no issues getting pregnant (none of us were planned).  Her older sister didn't have kids due to issues, after trying for a long time.  Her younger sister had quadruplets after doing fertility treatments. 
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    Congratulations @OliveOilsMom! Yay!
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    Thanks all!
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    Congratulations @OliveOilsMom!!
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