Wedding Woes

Since my BF doesn't want to move in together, should we move on apart?

Dear Prudence,

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and I spend every weekend at his place. My apartment lease is up soon, so I asked him if he would feel comfortable moving in together. It was a big leap of faith for me, but I was fairly confident that he’d say yes. He said he’d need to think about it. And then there was no more discussion of it, even when I tried to broach the subject delicately. I didn't want to nag him, but with my 60-day advance notice to vacate date approaching, I asked him again, point blank, and he said he’d still need to think about it. At that point, I told him that I felt two people should be excited to move in together, and based on his hesitation, I was going to start looking for my own place. Honestly, I feel really jilted and very emotionally vulnerable right now, and I'm resentful of how much money I now have to shell out to pay for a security deposit on a new place, plus moving expenses, etc., only to stay at his place every weekend for the duration of my lease term. And, I think he's rather annoyed with me for effectively making the decision for him, and for pressing him about it. The question now is: How do I get over this in a loving way? Or, is it a deal-breaker, and should I see the writing on the wall and move on?

–Moving in Together

Re: Since my BF doesn't want to move in together, should we move on apart?

  • mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,

    I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and I spend every weekend at his place. My apartment lease is up soon, so I asked him if he would feel comfortable moving in together. It was a big leap of faith for me, but I was fairly confident that he’d say yes. He said he’d need to think about it. And then there was no more discussion of it, even when I tried to broach the subject delicately. I didn't want to nag him, but with my 60-day advance notice to vacate date approaching, I asked him again, point blank, and he said he’d still need to think about it. At that point, I told him that I felt two people should be excited to move in together, and based on his hesitation, I was going to start looking for my own place. Honestly, I feel really jilted and very emotionally vulnerable right now, and I'm resentful of how much money I now have to shell out to pay for a security deposit on a new place, plus moving expenses, etc., only to stay at his place every weekend for the duration of my lease term. And, I think he's rather annoyed with me for effectively making the decision for him, and for pressing him about it. The question now is: How do I get over this in a loving way? Or, is it a deal-breaker, and should I see the writing on the wall and move on?

    –Moving in Together

    Have they not talked about what they believe in their own relationship or where it's moving and their belief systems?  

    What are they doing on the weekends together that they can't figure out where they stand on big ticket issues?    

    Relationships work so much better when you know where your partner feels about a subject before you become a part of that subject.   
    DrillSergeantCatshort+sassymollybarker11
  • *Barbie**Barbie*
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited September 2016
    mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,

     My apartment lease is up soon, so I asked him if he would feel comfortable moving in together. It was a big leap of faith for me, but I was fairly confident that he’d say yes. He said he’d need to think about it. And then there was no more discussion of it, even when I tried to broach the subject delicately. I didn't want to nag him, but with my 60-day advance notice to vacate date approaching, I asked him again, point blank, and he said he’d still need to think about it. 

    –Moving in Together

    I'm curious how long she actually gave him to think about it - I mean, we get brides on here all of the time that are frantically calling/texting/e-mailing vendors for stuff if they don't get the response they wanted, immediately. 

    I also don't understand the new security deposit, moving, and such - doesn't she have the option to just renew her current lease?

    Also curious how old these people are. They both sound immature, and it sounds like they have issues communicating. 

    charlotte989875mrsconn23kimmiinthemitten
  • If she's so gungho about it, then yes, she should move on.  Or give him a date to decide by, just so she can meet her other obligations.  I don't think needing to think about it is necessarily bad, but I agree with Barbie: are we talking about a week or has it been months.

    When K first broached us moving in together, even though she basically is living with me, I had to think about it.  I thought about, discussed it with some good friends, took a full month, and then decided.  K did casually bring it up again about a week after first broaching the subject.  I said I hadn't decided yet but I would by X point.  K agreed to that and I decided by then.  Using your words is hard, yes, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't.
    ShesSoColdcharlotte989875
  • *Barbie* said:
    mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,

     My apartment lease is up soon, so I asked him if he would feel comfortable moving in together. It was a big leap of faith for me, but I was fairly confident that he’d say yes. He said he’d need to think about it. And then there was no more discussion of it, even when I tried to broach the subject delicately. I didn't want to nag him, but with my 60-day advance notice to vacate date approaching, I asked him again, point blank, and he said he’d still need to think about it. 

    –Moving in Together

    I'm curious how long she actually gave him to think about it - I mean, we get brides on here all of the time that are frantically calling/texting/e-mailing vendors for stuff if they don't get the response they wanted, immediately. 

    I also don't understand the new security deposit, moving, and such - doesn't she have the option to just renew her current lease?

    Also curious how old these people are. They both sound immature, and it sounds like they have issues communicating. 


    I was super confused by this also.  Apparently she planned to move out anyway, so what's all this about "aahhh, need to know if I should give a 60-day notice".  I feel like I'm missing pieces of the story.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • These LW's suck with the details today. 
    Heffalump
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,

    I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and I spend every weekend at his place. My apartment lease is up soon, so I asked him if he would feel comfortable moving in together. It was a big leap of faith for me, but I was fairly confident that he’d say yes. He said he’d need to think about it. And then there was no more discussion of it, even when I tried to broach the subject delicately. I didn't want to nag him, but with my 60-day advance notice to vacate date approaching, I asked him again, point blank, and he said he’d still need to think about it. At that point, I told him that I felt two people should be excited to move in together, and based on his hesitation, I was going to start looking for my own place. Honestly, I feel really jilted and very emotionally vulnerable right now, and I'm resentful of how much money I now have to shell out to pay for a security deposit on a new place, plus moving expenses, etc., only to stay at his place every weekend for the duration of my lease term. And, I think he's rather annoyed with me for effectively making the decision for him, and for pressing him about it. The question now is: How do I get over this in a loving way? Or, is it a deal-breaker, and should I see the writing on the wall and move on?

    –Moving in Together

    She'd have these expenses if she did move.  And she sounds like she could choose to stay and avoid them all together.

    I have $5 that says she asked him 67-74 days out.
    image
    VarunaTT
  • mrsconn23 said:
    These LW's suck with the details today. 

    Whoever is editing Prudie these days is doing a crap job, even for Slate.
    mrsconn23
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards