Um, pick up the phone instead of wringing your hands?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My fiancée and I are getting married this summer, and we’ve been excitedly checking the mailbox for RSVP cards over the last few weeks. While we’re ecstatic that so many will be able to join us in celebration, I admit I’m a little offended that almost none of my family members will be in attendance outside of my parents and grandparents. Only 20 percent or so have even responded at all. There is no family strife that I’m aware of, and I feel like I have a happy, cordial relationship with all of them—I’ve attended many of their weddings, in fact. It’s also not a destination wedding or an extravagant affair, so cost doesn’t feel like a factor for a generally middle-class family like ours. There may be something going on behind the scenes that I’m unaware of, but even still, this feels very disrespectful to my soon-to-be-wife and me. Should I be offended that so little family will be in attendance, or should I not feel entitled to a certain level of family representation? Is this behavior normal? Am I overreacting? How should I respond to this sort of thing, if at all?

—Waiting on RSVPs

banana468

If you already took the time to write to Prudie in early May and you're not getting married until summer, maybe, JUST MAYBE you sent invitations too early or are looking for a response too early. 

If others aren't responding and it's not because the LW and FI sent invitations early then why not pick up the phone to see what's going on ONCE THE RESPONSE DATE HAS PASSED.   And in the meantime maybe call Mom and Dad to see if they know what may have happened? 

MissKittyDanger

Waiting for RSVPs is crazy. We sent ours out earlier than expected because we knew many people lived in places the mail was super slow {we gave a long RSVP date also}
Wait until the date. If it's someone you talk to often, maybe casually bring it up? I did that with one of my BM's - her family was invited and once the date came, I hadn't heard anything and we'd previously had people not get their invite, so I was concerned.

charlotte989875

Wait until the RSVP deadline has passed then call your family members. Sounds like LW is impatient and assuming people aren't coming and making drama where there might not be any. 

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

Wait until the RSVP deadline has passed then call your family members. Sounds like LW is impatient and assuming people aren't coming and making drama where there might not be any. 

This is exactly how I felt reading the letter.  It's not that a bunch of his family has declined, they just haven't responded.  Maybe his family tends to be more procrastinators and will send the RSVPs toward the deadline.  Or, like @banana468 said, maybe they sent the invites out too early and people aren't sure yet.

He also specifically mentions it isn't a destination wedding, but he does bring up his family is middle class.  Which leads me to suspect there is at least some kind of travel involved for some/most of them.  Maybe that isn't true for his bride's family.  Because, even a distance of "in town" or a 2-hour one way drive could be a factor for some people.