Wedding Woes

Um, pick up the phone instead of wringing your hands?

Dear Prudence,
My fiancée and I are getting married this summer, and we’ve been excitedly checking the mailbox for RSVP cards over the last few weeks. While we’re ecstatic that so many will be able to join us in celebration, I admit I’m a little offended that almost none of my family members will be in attendance outside of my parents and grandparents. Only 20 percent or so have even responded at all. There is no family strife that I’m aware of, and I feel like I have a happy, cordial relationship with all of them—I’ve attended many of their weddings, in fact. It’s also not a destination wedding or an extravagant affair, so cost doesn’t feel like a factor for a generally middle-class family like ours. There may be something going on behind the scenes that I’m unaware of, but even still, this feels very disrespectful to my soon-to-be-wife and me. Should I be offended that so little family will be in attendance, or should I not feel entitled to a certain level of family representation? Is this behavior normal? Am I overreacting? How should I respond to this sort of thing, if at all?

—Waiting on RSVPs

Re: Um, pick up the phone instead of wringing your hands?

  • Waiting for RSVPs is crazy. We sent ours out earlier than expected because we knew many people lived in places the mail was super slow {we gave a long RSVP date also}
    Wait until the date. If it's someone you talk to often, maybe casually bring it up? I did that with one of my BM's - her family was invited and once the date came, I hadn't heard anything and we'd previously had people not get their invite, so I was concerned.

  • Wait until the RSVP deadline has passed then call your family members. Sounds like LW is impatient and assuming people aren't coming and making drama where there might not be any. 

    This is exactly how I felt reading the letter.  It's not that a bunch of his family has declined, they just haven't responded.  Maybe his family tends to be more procrastinators and will send the RSVPs toward the deadline.  Or, like @banana468 said, maybe they sent the invites out too early and people aren't sure yet.

    He also specifically mentions it isn't a destination wedding, but he does bring up his family is middle class.  Which leads me to suspect there is at least some kind of travel involved for some/most of them.  Maybe that isn't true for his bride's family.  Because, even a distance of "in town" or a 2-hour one way drive could be a factor for some people.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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