Family is Everywhere! What to do? Multiple receptions?

[Deleted User]

Hello everybody! New here, and love reading everything I'm having a dilemma which I'm sure is common nowadays, but I'm not sure what to do! My FH and I met and live in Montana where we go to school, and this is where we consider home. His family is almost all exclusively in CA or Europe, while mine is all in the Midwest. We don't have terribly many friends left where we live as they have moved on with their lives. We want to have the big wedding that we have always dreamed of, but can't think of how to include all of our loved ones!! As always, budget it tight, but whose isn't?? I'm hesitant to do a full on DW because we are Catholic, and want our ceremony in our church, most preferably here. I'm thinking we are going to probably do multiple receptions, but how to do that smoothly without looking like we are favoring one family over another? Lots to think about, and would love to hear some advice/experience! Thanks guys! 

Lala9414

Hi there! Well first off congrats on the engagement! That's super exciting! I think you should just plan your big wedding AND reception where you are, since you would like to get married in your church and that it seems to be important to you. It sounds like no matter what someone will be traveling so just have everyone travel to you. I would definitely check with your VIP's (people you couldn't imagine getting married without) and see if that would work (meaning have a date in mind) for them! You'd be surprised how many people, especially family, would travel to see you two get married!

You unfortunately wouldn't be able to have multiple receptions because a reception is a Thank You to your guests for watching your ceremony. What you could do is when you guys travel to go see everyone have a Celebration of Marriage party and invite everyone to a dinner or something that you and your now husband would be hosting. However I would go with the first suggestion and just have your wedding where you are now, because your saying you don't want to make it look like your favoring one family over the other. This way everyone is traveling to you and no one should feel slighted.

CMGragain

I think you should simply plan your wedding at your church because that is what you really want to do.
 
1.  Set your budget.  This will be all the money you have to spend on your wedding.
2.  Draw up a guest list of everyone whom you want to invite to your wedding.  Never mind where they live.  That isn't your problem.
3.  Talk to your priest about scheduling your wedding time.  If you have an early afternoon ceremony, you must plan a reception to follow within the hour.  No gaps!
4.  Now that you have all the information you need, start looking for reception venues that fit your guest list and budget.

Since most of your guests will be coming from a long distance, you do need to send out Save the Date cards so they can make arrangements.  It is nice to have a hotel or two blocked out for their convenience.  Though Save the Dates don't require a response, you will probably hear by the family grapevines about who can come.

It is your guests choice to attend your wedding, or not.  There will always be some people who cannot come.  Hopefully, your VIPs will be able to make it.  Be prepared for some declines because of the distance, but you can't please everybody.  I hope you have a lovely wedding day.

My daughter was married in Maryland, and our relatives are in Iowa, while we live in Colorado.  Only a few family members came, but we are not a close family, so that was no surprise.  It was a wonderful day.

missJeanLouise

knottie3d757a6bd8ef3a24 said:

Hello everybody! New here, and love reading everything I'm having a dilemma which I'm sure is common nowadays, but I'm not sure what to do! My FH and I met and live in Montana where we go to school, and this is where we consider home. His family is almost all exclusively in CA or Europe, while mine is all in the Midwest. We don't have terribly many friends left where we live as they have moved on with their lives. We want to have the big wedding that we have always dreamed of, but can't think of how to include all of our loved ones!! As always, budget it tight, but whose isn't?? I'm hesitant to do a full on DW because we are Catholic, and want our ceremony in our church, most preferably here. I'm thinking we are going to probably do multiple receptions, but how to do that smoothly without looking like we are favoring one family over another? Lots to think about, and would love to hear some advice/experience! Thanks guys! 

I can empathize with your situation because 98% of our guest list was from out of town as well.  

Doing multiple parties will be costly and stressful. More stress than just doing everything all together. I would recommend spending some time figuring out your and your FH’s priorities are when it come to the wedding.  (these are just examples and not necessarily true to your situation) what is the budget? Who are the VIPs? Is a certain season more important than location? Is that more important than a big wedding? Is time a factor? Can you wait to save money and host more people? Etc.

Consult with your VIPs (the people you can not get married without.) about a tentative date. Look at venues that either can or are close places that  can accommodate a large out of town group. Remember, DIY IS NOT ALWAYS CHEAPER and hiring people will keep stress down.

CMGragain

Yes, please forget about the multiple receptions.  You only get one wedding day and one wedding reception on that day.  If you are traveling to visit your families in the future, they can chose to host a party for you, but it will not be a part of your wedding at all, just a party.

Two years ago, I talked to a man at my church who had paid for three receptions for his daughter.  He was unhappy about the situation, and rightly so.  Your wedding reception is not a traveling carnival show.  To have multiple receptions on different days is not appropriate.  Please don't do this.

MobKaz

I agree with everything all posters have said.  I do want to stress one point that @CMGragain highlighted.

With most Catholic weddings, you must speak with your priest first about setting a date. Do NOT book a venue until you have a firm date chosen with the church.  Many Catholic Churches limit their Saturday offerings because they often hold a Saturday night vigil mass.  More often than not, a 3:00 PM mass is the latest time offered on a Saturday.  Your reception does need to start immediately following mass as a gap is very impolite.  If your heart desires an evening reception, see if your Church offers a Friday late afternoon/early evening nuptial mass.

SP29

It seems that you are invested in continuing with your local church and your Catholic faith- that is your priority then and what you should start with (setting a date and time for your wedding with your church).

As said above, you only get one wedding date. While you are welcome to host a celebration of marriage party or "meet the newlyweds" party, these are separate events from your wedding. Host your wedding appropriately and those who can come, will.

It seems fair that since both sides of the family must travel, you may as well have it in the city where you and your FI live (particularly since you wish to continue with your current church). Do consider your VIPs when setting a date.

When DH and I married we lived away from our families (similar to yourself, OP), but our families live in relatively the same area. We did have friends where we lived but we chose to get married in our hometown because it was easier for our friends to travel (although only about half could attend due to finances, date of travel and time off) than for our families (much larger number of people, older family members with health issues). In this case, it made sense to make us travel because we weren't favouring one side of the family over the other, but we also did not have any religious preferences/obligations that tied us to any one venue.

flantastic

knottie3d757a6bd8ef3a24 said:

Hello everybody! New here, and love reading everything I'm having a dilemma which I'm sure is common nowadays, but I'm not sure what to do! My FH and I met and live in Montana where we go to school, and this is where we consider home. His family is almost all exclusively in CA or Europe, while mine is all in the Midwest. We don't have terribly many friends left where we live as they have moved on with their lives. We want to have the big wedding that we have always dreamed of, but can't think of how to include all of our loved ones!! As always, budget it tight, but whose isn't?? I'm hesitant to do a full on DW because we are Catholic, and want our ceremony in our church, most preferably here. I'm thinking we are going to probably do multiple receptions, but how to do that smoothly without looking like we are favoring one family over another? Lots to think about, and would love to hear some advice/experience! Thanks guys! 

As a fellow Catholic, I get wanting to be at your parish, and I also don't care about follow-up parties if I don't get to see the sacrament, which is the important part. Just have the wedding and (single) reception in Montana. Those who can make it, will, and it's not showing favoritism.

I really don't need to go to a secondary reception in my city for a wedding that already happened, and most of your family and friends will feel the same way. If they can't go to the wedding itself, they may be disappointed, but that's life, and another party without the wedding isn't going to make them feel better about it.

ahoywedding

We also had a guest list from all over! We ended up getting married where we live, because it was wayyyyy easier for planning, and none of our immediate family had issue traveling here. 

It sounds like you're pretty invested in your church & your community, which is awesome! I would suggest checking with your immediate families or any other VIPs to make sure they could all make the trip, and then have your wedding where you live now. Having multiple "receptions" around the country is poor etiquette. BUT there's nothing wrong with a "hey meet my new spouse!" dinner or something. We had a cookout at my parent's house for the few family members who weren't able to attend our wedding. It was super low-key, and the only wedding talk was when someone asked to see pictures.