Dear Jane,
This is going to be kind of long, but I hope you can read through it and help me.
I am currently 24 years old and I am living with my parents after graduating from grad school this past summer. It has been difficult finding a job since I came back home and my parents graciously allowed me to come back rent-free while I am actively looking for a full time position. I have two older sisters—one I am very close with, and the other (I’ll call her Morgan), we haven’t been on speaking terms for about 10 months. (The sister I am close with, I’ll call her Catherine, she hasn’t spoken with Morgan in over 3 years—for some deep, dark reasons I’d rather not touch on.)
Morgan is 25 years old, has two children by two men, and basically has a messy life in comparison to mine. She barely graduated high school and had a baby at 19, much to the disappointment of our parents. But, today, they are happy and love their grandchild very much. Morgan struggles financially and openly asks our parents for money a few times a year. I never say anything to my parents because it is none of my business. However, Morgan seems to take any opportunity to take a jab at me claiming I am useless, spoiled, etc. for living at home rent-free (even claiming I’m not even trying to find a job, completely false). We stopped talking at the beginning of 2017 because she claimed I flew home from NYC to LA on my parents’ dime (which is untrue) and that they paid for me to have a “dick appointment” with my longtime boyfriend. It was very hurtful to read those text messages to my mom’s phone from Morgan, simply because it was completely untrue. My parents have been supportive of my academic career (I’m their only child to graduate college, let alone graduate school). However, they didn’t pay for my tuition nor did they co-sign any of my student loans. So, I alone am in debt around $50,000 from my entire college career. This fact seems to go over Morgan’s head: when my mom tries to explain that I have student loan debt she says “that doesn’t matter.”
Today, Morgan visited with one of her kids and spent the day with our parents. I tried to get in touch with my mom but her phone was off because I just wanted to know where they went (at that point they had been gone several hours, which is strange for them). After being gone 8 hours, they all returned and I was still in my room hanging out with my cat and reading a book on/off. After a few minutes, I hear Morgan say my name a few times and claim I use my mom’s credit card to “buy an expensive wallet” and ask if I “leave like this without telling them often,” - the second question doesn’t even make sense since I never left the house the entire day, I just merely spent time in my room because I didn’t want to cause any discomfort for my parents as they spend time with their grandchild.
I am not able to move out any time soon because of my financial situation and the fact that I cannot find a good paying job in my field yet. I cannot figure out a new way to rationally explain to my sister vis-a-vis our parents why my living situation is of no importance or matter to her. If my parents are okay with me staying at home while I look for a full time job, Morgan should respect the boundaries of our parents. It was her decision to move out and have a baby at 19, whereas at the same age I was in my second year of college choosing a study abroad program (another thing I financed without my parents).
Her phone number and all her social media accounts are blocked because I knew I didn’t want anyone so negative to have contact with me. I don’t know what to do; she blatantly lies about me and does nothing but spread negative energy about me to our parents. I am really trying hard in my job search and my parents believe in me and support me. I know she’s entitled to her opinion of me, but she’s dividing our parents and making it increasingly difficult to live with my parents.
What should I do?