Sexuality can be an ever-evolving thing.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
For my entire adult life, I’ve identified as a lesbian. But a few months ago, I met a guy at an LGBTQ volunteer event. I mentioned I was a lesbian, and he told me he was queer. We immediately hit it off, and we’ve been hanging out regularly ever since. We’re both very shy—I rarely open up to people the way I have with him, and he’s said the same. I have lots of gay male friends, but this feels different. I’ve thought about it a lot, for a while now, and I’ve come to realize I have romantic feelings for him.

I have no idea what to do. There hasn’t been some broader realization that I’m attracted to men—just him. Is there some easy way to broach any of this with him? Should I just sit on these feelings and be sad about them until they pass?
—LGBTQWTF

charlotte989875

You're feeling these feelings, so (for lack of a better way to say this) let yourself feel them. Don't sit on them. 

If you feel like you might want something more than what you have now, and you feels safe & comfortable doing so, why not bring them up to him? Maybe he's feeling the same way. Maybe he isn't. But if you're interested in seeing where they go, bring it up. Just because you've never been attracted to a man before doesn't mean you can't be attracted to this individual person. 

MissKittyDanger

I think LW should ensure it's a 'feelings' rather than 'oh we click' thing. I know it sounds weird, but I've confused the 2 before. {not in the same situation}

Regardless what they are, LW should put herself in a box. Whatever she's feeling is valid.

VarunaTT

Hm.  I don't want to tell her not to explore; I also hesitate b/c they're opening up to each other and they've both said they don't do that often and are shy.  I don't want her to lose her friend.  And she says romantic feelings, not sexual attraction.  

IDK, I think I need more from this LW.  I might encourage her to talk to a few safe friends, a therapist, or people who identify as biromantic or something similar and how they differentiate between romantic and sexual attraction.