Money + Friendship = Nothing Good, Tell You What

baconsmom

Dear Prudence,
I inherited my grandmother’s three-bedroom condo. I sublet the two extra rooms to some of my old college buddies on a monthly basis. Rents have tripled in our area, but I only charge my roommates to cover my expenses like fees and taxes, and consider them friends. My girlfriend is moving in with me. When I announced the news, one of my roommates grew extremely upset. Three months ago, he tried to move his girlfriend in after she lost her place. I nixed it because I didn’t like her, and he barely knew her. They broke up right afterward. Now he blames me for being a “hypocrite” and “unfair” to him. We fought, and I told him, “My place, my rules, my girlfriend.” He has been sulking ever since—and, worse, being passive-aggressive: forgetting to take the trash out, or replace the milk he drank, or clean up. This has been going on for weeks, and I am tired of it. I don’t want to bring my girlfriend into this situation, but I don’t want to throw away a decade of friendship. How do I get my friend to grow the hell up here?
—Roommate vs. Girlfriend

charlotte989875

The friend is living there basically for free. If he doesn’t like the rules he’s free to find a new place to live. Probably not a recipe for saving the friendship.

Talk to your friend honestly. Tell him you love having him stay there, but that he needs to do his part. You’re free to let anyone live there (or not) and you weren’t comfortable having someone you didn’t know move in your house. If he doesn’t accept that the friendship is probably over anyway.  

banana468

Leave the GF out of this then.   It has nothing to do with the equation.

Talk to the dude and see how he's feeling.  

THEN talk about ways that this arrangement needs to be changed among all roommates.   Mention things like a chore list, household expenses that are shared and collectively work with them to come up with the terms that all will agree to.

If he refuses to agree to the terms then you may need to have a "come to deity" talk about how you think its best for the sake of the friendship to not live together.   

What I would also do is think about where this is going.  Do you think the ideal arrangement for living with the in your late 20s or early 30s is to live with the buddies?   What's the future of that relationship?   In my late 20s I'd be comfortable like that for a short period but eventually I'd start to want to feel like I was living with just one other person.   I'm wondering if there needs to be a Monica kicking Rachael out kind of conversation and kind of wonder why the LW isn't considering the long term relationship under one roof. 

levioosa

I hope LW has a written rental agreement with this guy. His friend is acting like a child. I’m betting even if he talks to the friend, it won’t go well. 

short+sassy

Now that there is going to be a fourth roommate, ie the g/f.  It's time to have a house meeting with everyone (g/f included) anyway.  Similar to what @banana468 mentioned.  House rules and courtesies.  How chores are divided.  Even though the roommates are paying below market rates, I think the LW should also talk about utilities.  If they are currently split 3-ways, they should be split 4-ways.  If utilities are included with the rent already, then it's a non-issue.

I'm curious how the third roommate is feeling.  Because if the 2nd roommate has stopped pulling his weight, that affects #3 also. 

I'd have that general house meeting first.  And then, if the problem roommate...and he does sound ridiculous...still isn't pulling his weight, have a talk with him.  Perhaps pull in Roommate #3 also, if that person has complained about the slacking.