Wedding Woes

I'm being hounded by my ex and ex-friend.

Dear Prudence,

About a year ago, my boyfriend asked to open the relationship, since he wanted to be polyamorous. I agreed on the condition that I would have nothing to do with that part of his life. I didn’t want to know the other woman’s name, I didn’t want to meet her, she wasn’t allowed in our apartment, and he was never to talk about her. To me, she wouldn’t exist. My boyfriend agreed. Now I’ve discovered that, a few months ago, my boyfriend tricked me into becoming good friends with his other girlfriend, introducing her to me as “a friend from work.” The moment I found out, I ended my relationships with both of them, made him move out (my name is the only one on the lease), and blocked both of their numbers. However, they haven’t stopped trying to contact me. He keeps coming to my apartment, crying, saying that he’s lost without me and that he needs me, and she keeps showing up begging me to take him back and restore our friendship, since she misses me so much. But I can’t. They don’t seem to think they did anything wrong. How do I make them leave me alone? At this point, I’m considering restraining orders.

—Leave Me Alone

Re: I'm being hounded by my ex and ex-friend.

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    mrsconn23 said:
    Dear Prudence,

    About a year ago, my boyfriend asked to open the relationship, since he wanted to be polyamorous. I agreed on the condition that I would have nothing to do with that part of his life. I didn’t want to know the other woman’s name, I didn’t want to meet her, she wasn’t allowed in our apartment, and he was never to talk about her. To me, she wouldn’t exist. My boyfriend agreed. Now I’ve discovered that, a few months ago, my boyfriend tricked me into becoming good friends with his other girlfriend, introducing her to me as “a friend from work.” The moment I found out, I ended my relationships with both of them, made him move out (my name is the only one on the lease), and blocked both of their numbers. However, they haven’t stopped trying to contact me. He keeps coming to my apartment, crying, saying that he’s lost without me and that he needs me, and she keeps showing up begging me to take him back and restore our friendship, since she misses me so much. But I can’t. They don’t seem to think they did anything wrong. How do I make them leave me alone? At this point, I’m considering restraining orders.

    —Leave Me Alone
    Yep. Document all their contact attempts and contact the police. 

    What an asshole this guy is.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    charlotte989875OliveOilsMomeileenrob
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited September 13
    I am not getting the vibe that LW was actually okay with a polyamorous relationship. 

    ETA: agree with SSC. What an asshole. 


    image
    baconsmomMesmrEwe
  • Nope. No, no, no, no, no. 

    Next time they show up tell them clearly that you’re not interested in any further contact and if they reach out to you again you will contact the police. Then do it if they try to contact you again. 
    OliveOilsMomeileenrob
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    Agree with everyone else here.  The Ex BF is an asshole.  He knew the LWs rules for the poly relationship, but he broke them.  That means you do not get to continue the relationship with the person who wants out.

    If the Ex truly wanted a poly relationship, he should have found someone more interested in that life style.  Usually all parties in the poly relationship know about each other and interact with each other, but that was not what LW wanted and told the Ex that.  He decided on his own, that what LW wanted was not good enough and tried to go around her wants.  Too bad, so sad that he is upset now.

    Document and call the police.

    charlotte989875short+sassy
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