Wedding Woes

Do you want to know the answer?

Dear Prudence,

My parents are terrible—alcoholic, physically abusive, the works. I moved away from them decades ago to keep my children away from them. My father molested me as well as one of my sisters; my mother knew and did nothing. I just went to a family reunion because there are relatives on my father’s side of the family I love and have missed seeing. During the trip, I found out there is a good chance my father is not actually my biological father. My folks are pretty old. Should I ask my mother about this? I think I would be happier knowing he may not be my father than I would be if I were to find out, without a doubt, that he is indeed my real dad. What would you do?

—Paternal Doubts

Re: Do you want to know the answer?

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I think LW should do whatever will bring them peace and healing. If they have a therapist this would be a good thing to bring up to them. 


    image
    OliveOilsMomeileenrob
  • Do you want to know the answer?  Does it make his actions or hers any better? 
    charlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • Does knowing, for certain, make things better or worse? 

    If holding on to some doubt makes you feel better then I say you do that, but if you really need to know ask away. But know it might not just change your relationship with “Dad” but also with your Mom. Be prepared for her to not handle it well. If that’s fine, then go with your gut. 

    Also counseling. 
  • mrsconn23 said:
    Dear Prudence,

    My parents are terrible—alcoholic, physically abusive, the works. I moved away from them decades ago to keep my children away from them. My father molested me as well as one of my sisters; my mother knew and did nothing. I just went to a family reunion because there are relatives on my father’s side of the family I love and have missed seeing. During the trip, I found out there is a good chance my father is not actually my biological father. My folks are pretty old. Should I ask my mother about this? I think I would be happier knowing he may not be my father than I would be if I were to find out, without a doubt, that he is indeed my real dad. What would you do?

    —Paternal Doubts

    I think the LW just answered their own question.  I think she should just grasp on to this idea in her own mind, since it gives her comfort, and not worry about if it is true or not.

    It probably wouldn't definitively solve anything if she asked her mother anyway.  She's not going to get the truth or a straight story from a woman who beat her children and allowed their father to molest them.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    mrsmittendowntondivaVarunaTT
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited September 13
    mrsconn23 said:
    Dear Prudence,

    My parents are terrible—alcoholic, physically abusive, the works. I moved away from them decades ago to keep my children away from them. My father molested me as well as one of my sisters; my mother knew and did nothing. I just went to a family reunion because there are relatives on my father’s side of the family I love and have missed seeing. During the trip, I found out there is a good chance my father is not actually my biological father. My folks are pretty old. Should I ask my mother about this? I think I would be happier knowing he may not be my father than I would be if I were to find out, without a doubt, that he is indeed my real dad. What would you do?

    —Paternal Doubts

    I think the LW just answered their own question.  I think she should just grasp on to this idea in her own mind, since it gives her comfort, and not worry about if it is true or not.

    It probably wouldn't definitively solve anything if she asked her mother anyway.  She's not going to get the truth or a straight story from a woman who beat her children and allowed their father to molest them.

    this is what I was thinking - but I couldn't put it in words.  Thanks @short+sassy

    short+sassy
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards