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Wedding Woes

Um, call this person?

Dear Prudence,
I recently found out a family friend has an illness that will probably kill her soon. We aren’t very close, but I want to reach out in some way. If we were closer or she lived nearby, I’d offer to help out, but that’s not really possible. It would really just be a note to offer sympathy. I’m not sure how to phrase this tactfully, when it’s clear I’m only getting in touch to say, in effect, “Sorry you’re dying.” But I can imagine it would be terrible to be sick, lonely, or afraid and have people vanish just because it’s awkward or painful to address it directly. Is there some way of framing this that offers kindness without beating someone over the head with their own diagnosis?
—Terminal Etiquette

Re: Um, call this person?

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    banana468 said:
    "I hear that you have been recently given a difficult diagnosis and I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and here for you if you ever want to talk.''
    Perfect wording.

    My mom had numerous people reach out to her after her diagnosis. Neighbors that moved out of state in the early 90s, her high school friends, all kinds of people from all stages of her life. It was really nice, for all of us, I think, to know that so many people remembered her so fondly and cared enough to reach out.
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    charlotte989875eileenrobSTARMOON44MesmrEwe
  • I think banana’s wording is great. 

    If you dont don’t want to call I also think a card/note that says the same is fine as well. 

    I cant really think of a situation where someone would be upset a friend said “hey I’m thinking of you and I’m here”. 
    eileenrob
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 6
    It's amazing to me that this is something a person needs advice on. 

    ETA: advice from Prudie, and not even advice from a close friend or relative. 

    eileenrob
  • I think banana’s wording is great. 

    If you dont don’t want to call I also think a card/note that says the same is fine as well. 

    I cant really think of a situation where someone would be upset a friend said “hey I’m thinking of you and I’m here”. 
    Yes and yes on banana's wording also.  But, for someone who isn't currently that close to this person, I think it needs to be a card/letter and not a phone call.  For someone who is gravely ill, an unexpected phone call might be taxing for them.  Especially if they are suddenly getting a lot of them.  Whereas a card they can read at their leisure and, if they wish, call when it is most convenient for them.
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    charlotte989875eileenrob
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