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Wedding Woes

OMG, leave this shitshow now.

Q. Wedding dress feud: I am getting married in a just a few short months. Everything has been going wonderfully, the only snag in the whole proceedings has been the wedding dress. I found a perfect dress six months ago. My fiancé’s mother found the perfect dress for me as well: her old one that she got married in. I politely told her that I appreciated the possible heirloom but had found my own dress. I figured that would be the end of it and that she would give it to one of her daughters. Apparently, that was not the end of it. She was so hurt over my choice that she told my fiancé that she wanted nothing to do with the wedding and has not helped since! Fast-forward to now, she has been calling me every single day. Thirty to 50 times a day. Begging me to wear her dress and end the feud. She says she won’t stop until I agree.

I am at my wits’ end. My fiancé is no help. He says that I should just wear the dress for the ceremony and then change into my own dress for pictures at the end.

Re: OMG, leave this shitshow now.

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Right.  How does she not get it?  She offered her dress. The answer was no.  Move on.  

    short+sassy
  • Also, the MOG has daughters.  Wouldn't it be more appropriate for her own daughters to wear the dress (if they choose) than the DIL?  MOG has issues and her own son doesn't see the problem.  Get pre-marital counseling to address this or run now.  It won't get easier. 
    image
    short+sassyeileenrobOurWildKingdom
  • Apparently other people are nicer than I am.  I don't give a f**k if she is my FMIL, all her avenues of communication with me would have been blocked a long time ago.  NOBODY is going to bother me 30-50x/day.  That is stalking and harassment.

    Not to mention, anyone who takes that kind of time to harass someone, has something very wrong with them.  What her FI really needs to be doing is strongly encouraging his mother to see a medical doctor and then a therapist.  I'm not saying that to be snarky.  I'm saying that in earnest.

    Her FI absolutely needs to have her back on such egregious behavior.  Or she should tell him that nobody needs to worry about what dress she is wearing because she will not marry a man-child. 

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    eileenrobcharlotte989875MyNameIsNotOurWildKingdom
  • MNNEBride said:
    Also, the MOG has daughters.  Wouldn't it be more appropriate for her own daughters to wear the dress (if they choose) than the DIL?  MOG has issues and her own son doesn't see the problem.  Get pre-marital counseling to address this or run now.  It won't get easier. 
    I actually know people where the to-be DIL wore the MIL's dress. My cousin, for one.
     And the MIL's daughter plans to wear it as well whenever she gets married. I also have an aunt who wore her to-be SIL's dress. I don't think it's that unusual. Obviously, in this case, she doesn't want to, and so the MiL should accept the no and stop pushing, but I don't think it's at all odd for her to offer, and I wouldn't think it odd if the bride accepted.  

  • There was a fun show.  Unfortunately, I don't think it ran for more than a season or two.  I don't remember the name of it, but the gist was a bride wanted to shop for a new wedding gown, but a family member wanted her to wear their wedding dress or a passed down wedding dress.  Usually, it was a mother wanting her daughter to wear her wedding dress, but that wasn't always the scenario.

    So then the show's "team" went to work!  One of them was a master seamstress.  Who would talk to the bride about what she did/didn't like about the "heirloom" dress.  As well as what she wanted in her own wedding dress.  Then the seamstress would repurpose the dress into more the bride's liking.

    The other co-host was some fashionista type person who would help the bride pick out a new dress in a SYTTD type scenario.  The bride would pick her favorite dress.

    Then, at the end of the show, the bride would come out in the "new" wedding dress first for her friends/family.  And then come out in the recreated heirloom dress.

    Of course, the best and most unbelievable part of the show is what a skilled seamstress can do with a wedding dress!  So...so...cringeworthy, at first.  Even just for a viewer to watch, lol.  Because she usually needed to take the treasured dress completely apart to recreate it (eek!).  But the results were always super amazeballs.  Such a knack for keeping some of the elements of the old dress, while also updating it and adding in touches that were more to the bride's taste. 

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    MesmrEwethisismynickname2
  • I remember that show @short+sassy. It was amazing what they could do with the vintage dresses. I encourage DD to do that with my dress but she would have no part of it. Oh well I used my dress for the boys' baptismal outfits so it was repurposed after all.

    short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I saw a few eps of that too.  Thing is, if you’re not on the show and have to pay out of pocket for those alterations, it’s pretty much the sam, cost wise, to purchase a new dress.  The only reason you would pay that to alter it is for sentimental value and clearly this person has no sentimental value associated with her fmil’s dress. 

    ILoveBeachMusic
  • I remember that show @short+sassy. It was amazing what they could do with the vintage dresses. I encourage DD to do that with my dress but she would have no part of it. Oh well I used my dress for the boys' baptismal outfits so it was repurposed after all.

    That sounds like a wonderful use!

    My mom got married in 1970.  I wanted to no part of that dress, lol.  It is lovely!  But also very 1970's looking.

    My grandmother has a more timeless dress that is beautiful.  I think she got married sometime in the late '40s.  But she weighed less than 100 lbs. when she got married.  I'd need a couple of those dresses to sew it into something that would fit me, lol.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • 30-50 calls a day over a wedding dress? That's just sick (well, really, it would be sick for pretty much anything). 

    And FI is not going to get any better about standing up to his mother if his solution to this is to make LW just do whatever FMIL wants. Is he going to be like this if he and LW want to buy a house or have children or move to another state? LW needs to get the hell out of this engagement NOW. 
    image
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited December 2018
    Am I losing it? Was this a post here? Or an old Prudie letter? I swear this is SO FAMILIAR!

    ETA - Just read Mrs.conn's post. I am not, in fact, losing it. Phew! Nevermind!
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    mrsconn23eileenrob
  • Am I losing it? Was this a post here? Or an old Prudie letter? I swear this is SO FAMILIAR!

    ETA - Just read Mrs.conn's post. I am not, in fact, losing it. Phew! Nevermind!
    LOL.  I can never remember if we discussed chats or not.  But this one felt new to me, so I posted it.  ;)

    Anyway, this is not going to get better for LW if her FI deflects and/or tells her to play along.  LW needs to think long and hard about this.  God only knows how bad MIL will get regarding decisions with much higher stakes and/or effects on LW and FI's lives. 
    charlotte989875
  • Not only from the Prudie archives, but yes, we have had brides in the past post on this subject...  
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