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Wedding Woes

4 women in the world

Dear Prudence,
I’m dating a 50-year-old woman who recently booked a vacation with her girlfriend and lied about it being an “all women” trip. She’s also claimed several parties she’s gone to were “all girl” as well. When she goes out, she refuses to stay in contact. She says she doesn’t want to be accountable to me. I don’t like being left out. I’m 60 and have lots of energy. I ask her to go dancing, but she says she doesn’t like the way I dance. She says she can still get younger guys, and it’s my belief that she loves the attention of other men and isn’t ready to commit. She has never been married, never had kids, and never lived with anyone. I’m starting to lose it. I want more. She says she wants more but acts like she doesn’t. I feel like I should be able to handle her, but even writing this I feel like we just have different priorities. Tell me where I can change?
—Overly Independent Girlfriend

Re: 4 women in the world

  • mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,
    I’m dating a 50-year-old woman who recently booked a vacation with her girlfriend and lied about it being an “all women” trip. She’s also claimed several parties she’s gone to were “all girl” as well. When she goes out, she refuses to stay in contact. She says she doesn’t want to be accountable to me. I don’t like being left out. I’m 60 and have lots of energy. I ask her to go dancing, but she says she doesn’t like the way I dance. She says she can still get younger guys, and it’s my belief that she loves the attention of other men and isn’t ready to commit. She has never been married, never had kids, and never lived with anyone. I’m starting to lose it. I want more. She says she wants more but acts like she doesn’t. I feel like I should be able to handle her, but even writing this I feel like we just have different priorities. Tell me where I can change?
    —Overly Independent Girlfriend

    You can change partners. 
    This.

    She isn't that into you dude.  Tell her that you both want different things.   You are looking for someone who wants a commitment and she's looking for a 50 yo.   
  • Yeah, time for LW to move on.  They just aren't looking for the same things, despite her lip service.  Especially considering her history.  She sounds like an independent woman who enjoys the company and attention from men, but likes her space and freedom more.  Nothing wrong with that!  Though lying about who she spends time with is.  That should have already been a dealbreaker, even if she isn't romantically involved with other people.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    eileenrob
  • VarunaTT said:
    This doesn't pass the sniff test for me either.  People don't just usually lie about their evening activities, unless you're being annoying AF about it.  He seems clingy.  She's leading him on, as well, so I think they just need to break up.  

    Also, I want this 50 year old woman to be my BFF. She sounds fun.
    I agree except for the part about "people don't lie about their evening activities". I think it is not that uncommon for someone to say something like "just going out with the guys/girls" if their partner gets jealous easily or it is a fight they've had in the past and the person doesn't want to deal with it so they say just the guys/girls even though they know it will be a mixed group. 
    charlotte989875
  • Right, thus the "annoying AF about it."  
  • Perfect title @mrsconn23.  Move on LW.  You want different things.
  • "overly independent girlfriend" sign-off really pissed me off.

    Let her go dude, she doesn't want anything more serious with you but i'm sure there are plenty of women who would. 

  • Does he have actually have lots of energy, or is the way he dances slow and shuffly?  Maybe he needs to date someone more his age and who has a similar life style?  
    I don't necessarily want to keep in constant contact when I am out and about (mostly because I sometimes don't hear my phone).  I don't find that odd.
    imageimage
    Casadena
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    VarunaTT said:
    This doesn't pass the sniff test for me either.  People don't just usually lie about their evening activities, unless you're being annoying AF about it.  He seems clingy.  She's leading him on, as well, so I think they just need to break up.  

    Also, I want this 50 year old woman to be my BFF. She sounds fun.
    Ditto!

    And yeah all I can say is what other PP’s have said.  She’s just not that into you.


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