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Wedding Woes

Only you can decide if the friendship is worth it.

Dear Prudence,

I have a friend who’s newly engaged, has no children, and lives a few hours away. (I’m married with two kids.) We’ve been friends for as long as we both can remember. We consider each other best friends, although lately it has been very one-sided—or maybe it always has been. I call or text regularly to check in, maybe send pictures of my kids, or share updates. She rarely calls and rarely texts me back, and when she finally does, it’s days later, maybe even weeks. She has a barrage of wealthy “friends” whom she travels with constantly. It may be jealousy on my part that I’m bothered by that. I feel as though our friendship has taken a back seat to her “single” life and I am the only one reaching out to keep in touch. Does a friendship require as much work as a marriage?

—One-Sided Friendship

Re: Only you can decide if the friendship is worth it.

  • Sometimes it does. But you have to decide if the work is worth it. Leave her single/wealthy lifestyle, and yours with kids, out of it. Are you cool with how and when you spend time together? If not then address that but don’t blame it on her single lifestyle. 
    mrsconn23OurWildKingdomshort+sassy
  • Yeah, LW needs to try to get face time with this friend and start from a place of, "Hey, I miss you.  Can we make more of an effort to stay in touch?"  

    I get LW's feelings of...wistfulness, even jealousy, that her friend is having experiences while she's at home with kids.  But that's LW's problem, not her friend's.  Trust me our really close high income DINK friends are definitely jet-setters and I enjoy seeing their adventures, but I also know that slight twinge of jealousy at their experiences.  But we fuel that into making those experiences we want be a 'one day' goal.  
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • Sometimes I take forever to text people back ... but people who know me just know I'm not a phone person.  Maybe her friend is like that?
    imageimage
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Sounds like she's just not that into you, LW. 
  • Some people just aren't good about keeping in touch, and you have to decide if you are willing to always be the one reaching out. I've been through that with a few friends, and there have been a couple of times where I decided it was not worth the effort anymore.

    Only LW can decide if it's worth the effort with this friend. She may also have to accept that while the friendship is not necessarily over, it may not be what it once was. It is possible to go from being best friends to just being friends.
    image
    OurWildKingdomshort+sassy
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