Dear Prudence,
My husband and I are in our early 20s and have one son together. My husband’s 15-year-old sister met a stranger online and ran away for a year. No one knew where she was, and it killed her mother. She came back pregnant, refused to talk about what had happened, and killed herself a few months after her son was born. There was no note. We took the baby in because my father-in-law barely was keeping it together for his 12-year-old son. My husband stood like a rock through everything, but in private, he breaks down and blames himself. He has insomnia and gray streaks in his hair. He and his family have had limited counseling.
I have been standing by and taking care of my son and nephew. I am a failure. I have no bond with my nephew. Every bit of his care is routine: He cries, I feed him; he poops, I change him. He is a fussy, fidgety child, while my son is easy. It has been nine months since the funeral, and I feel nothing but guilt and resentment. No joy, no love, just grim duty. I hate myself. I try to treat both boys the same. I even time myself to make sure I am not neglecting my nephew, but I don’t know how much longer I can go on. I am terrified of telling my husband because it might break him. He has lost so much in the past two years. There was no one else to take the baby, so we had to. What do I do?
—Overwhelmed and Resentful