• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Wedding Woes

Helping my daughter find her identity.

Dear Prudence,

My 12-year-old came out as bisexual about a year ago. Since then, she and her friends have adopted the use of gender-neutral nicknames with one another. She uses female pronouns and asks that I use her new name in public. I took her to her first Pride march recently, and she was very happy. This has opened up a conversation about using binders. She’s very developed for her age. I am not opposed to this, but I am thinking about the root of this desire—if it comes from the beginning of a transition versus an expression of being a girl uncomfortable growing into a woman’s body. Therapy is definitely on the table, but I want your advice on how to approach this to be able to support her on her journey. Does the root of her request change how we move forward? How do I bring up therapy without making assumptions about her gender or the reason behind her binder request? How do I help her be comfortable in her body whether she transitions or not?

—Binding Prospects

Re: Helping my daughter find her identity.

  • I would talk to my child to begin to gain an understanding of why she wants to use binders.   And depending on her answer would tell me how I would respond on multiple levels including seeking the help of a counselor for both of us. 
    MissKittyDangerSTARMOON44
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'd find an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist and youth support group.  And immediately find someone knowledgeable about binding and resources for safe information.  I am very uncomfortable with that young of an age wearing a binder.  Binders are dangerous; it's a balancing act for gender dysphoria and physical health that I understand needs to happen for people.  On a 12 year old, I just feel like there needs to be a lot of oversight and checking in, because there are still growth spurts and development that can happen quickly.  The parent sounds involved, so that's some relief.
    MissKittyDangerMesmrEwe
  • VarunaTT said:
    I'd find an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist and youth support group.  And immediately find someone knowledgeable about binding and resources for safe information.  I am very uncomfortable with that young of an age wearing a binder.  Binders are dangerous; it's a balancing act for gender dysphoria and physical health that I understand needs to happen for people.  On a 12 year old, I just feel like there needs to be a lot of oversight and checking in, because there are still growth spurts and development that can happen quickly.  The parent sounds involved, so that's some relief.
    Agreed!  I wouldn't make any choices without seeking professional guidance.

    Friends of ours advised our mutual group a couple years ago that their child was trans in young teens but they engaged with professionals and I think any kind of treatment was not used until he was 16.
    MissKittyDangerVarunaTTSTARMOON44
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I probably know more about binding than lots of people in the community, just because K binds for drag.  There is performance binding, which we do with duct tape (actually TRex tape most recently) and then K also uses a binder for day drag and sometimes just b/c (it's hard to use the binder for most of the costumes).  They wear a full binder b/c of the line it makes, but most people binding for dysphoria use a half.

    Pretty much all drag performers (performing with breasts being taped down) have a story about a friend who had a rib popped b/c of tape being removed improperly or cutting binders/tape off of friends who passed out b/c of tape/binders getting too tight and restricting breathing.  We carry safety scissors in the drag box especially for this, and we're not the only ones who do so.  We went to the local LGBTQ+ youth group to do a drag makeup night and K refused to teach binding as part of it.  They would only agree to a private class with permission slips from parents for anyone wanting to learn performance binding.  It's just one of those things that you have to be so careful with.  
    short+sassy
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    VarunaTT said:
    I probably know more about binding than lots of people in the community, just because K binds for drag.  There is performance binding, which we do with duct tape (actually TRex tape most recently) and then K also uses a binder for day drag and sometimes just b/c (it's hard to use the binder for most of the costumes).  They wear a full binder b/c of the line it makes, but most people binding for dysphoria use a half.

    Pretty much all drag performers (performing with breasts being taped down) have a story about a friend who had a rib popped b/c of tape being removed improperly or cutting binders/tape off of friends who passed out b/c of tape/binders getting too tight and restricting breathing.  We carry safety scissors in the drag box especially for this, and we're not the only ones who do so.  We went to the local LGBTQ+ youth group to do a drag makeup night and K refused to teach binding as part of it.  They would only agree to a private class with permission slips from parents for anyone wanting to learn performance binding.  It's just one of those things that you have to be so careful with.  
    I always learn so much from your comments. I had no idea that binding could be so dangerous!
    MissKittyDangershort+sassy
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards