You once advised a letter writer that she did not have to disclose her two previous abortions to her husband if she did not want to. I think I want to. My husband and I have been married for a few years and have a small child. He asked me point-blank once, and I said no. But I’ve had two, a decade ago when I lived in another country. It was cheap and easy and safe, and I feel so grateful to have had the option. The only people who know are two close friends who supported me at the time and the guys involved. Last year I was even in a car full of girlfriends, and two of them shared that they’d also had abortions. I froze and didn’t speak up. (One friend is a loudmouth, and I have heard her blab other people’s secrets.)
I am actively involved in reproductive rights activism, and I’m terrified and pissed off about what’s going on in this country. My husband supports me and sees how troubled I am about it. I know I made the right decision back then, but as time goes on, part of me wants to tell him. But I’m worried that he will be alarmed, ask uncomfortable questions, or judge me. I once had an ex-boyfriend who said he was pro-choice, but if his own girlfriend shared a past abortion, that would be a problem. I kept quiet! Should I just talk to a therapist about this? I see someone primarily for anger issues, so this might surprise them, but surely I’m allowed to dictate the agenda.
—Abortion Feeling Harder to Keep Inside