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Wedding Woes

Yes, you are allowed to dictate your therapy 'agenda'...so talk to them.

Dear Prudence,

You once advised a letter writer that she did not have to disclose her two previous abortions to her husband if she did not want to. I think I want to. My husband and I have been married for a few years and have a small child. He asked me point-blank once, and I said no. But I’ve had two, a decade ago when I lived in another country. It was cheap and easy and safe, and I feel so grateful to have had the option. The only people who know are two close friends who supported me at the time and the guys involved. Last year I was even in a car full of girlfriends, and two of them shared that they’d also had abortions. I froze and didn’t speak up. (One friend is a loudmouth, and I have heard her blab other people’s secrets.)

I am actively involved in reproductive rights activism, and I’m terrified and pissed off about what’s going on in this country. My husband supports me and sees how troubled I am about it. I know I made the right decision back then, but as time goes on, part of me wants to tell him. But I’m worried that he will be alarmed, ask uncomfortable questions, or judge me. I once had an ex-boyfriend who said he was pro-choice, but if his own girlfriend shared a past abortion, that would be a problem. I kept quiet! Should I just talk to a therapist about this? I see someone primarily for anger issues, so this might surprise them, but surely I’m allowed to dictate the agenda.

—Abortion Feeling Harder to Keep Inside

Re: Yes, you are allowed to dictate your therapy 'agenda'...so talk to them.

  • This is so hard. 

    I question anyone who's practice is incongruous with what they claim.  So I can appreciate that the LW would be hesitant if her past practice was that her former BF said one thing and did another.

    I'm very much pro-life but I'm super sympathetic for the LW.   I don't have the answer but know I would have a problem keeping that from my spouse. 
  • Seek help, for at least wording and how to answer uncomfortable questions that will come up.
    Potentially have couples counseling as an option if he wants it. Always hard to say how things would go.
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