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Wedding Woes

"This isn't working for me" is a fine thing to say.

Dear Prudence,

I have a friend who has become more and more unreliable over time. In the past, we’ve split the cost of gym memberships or co-op responsibilities. But now my friend’s flaky behavior has made it harder for me to enjoy those services. They’ll take an inordinate amount of time (two to three weeks, and they don’t work irregular hours) to respond to my messages when I try to coordinate our schedules for important deadlines, leaving me scrambling at the last minute. We live within short walking distance of each other. This is a regular pattern for my friend and a major source of stress for me. I love my friend, but I don’t think we’re compatible as administrative partners. I’m worried that they’ll feel judged if I say, “This arrangement really doesn’t work for me, so I’m going to sign up for [supposedly uncomplicated thing] on my own next time.” Is there a way for me to end this facet of our relationship without blowing up the whole thing?

—Buddy With the Bathwater

Re: "This isn't working for me" is a fine thing to say.

  • They might feel judged. That’s okay. They are taking advantage of you. 
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • "Hey, I think we're not getting the same things out of X so next time I'm just going to sign up for it or Y thing on my own.   Let me know when you're free and we can get together." 
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • They might feel judged. That’s okay. They are taking advantage of you. 
    Right. They get to have their feelings but LW shouldn't ignore their own because friend might be hurt. 
    CasadenaOurWildKingdom
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