My husband and I have been married for about 15 years. During that time I’ve gained about 30 pounds. My husband has found it really sexy, which is great, but the problem is how much he likes to talk about it before and during sex: how much he likes my weight, how hot it would be if I gained more weight, how he’d like to feed me desserts until I’m “fat,” etc. I don’t find this talk sexy. I’m mostly happy with my body, but I still don’t like this conversation as foreplay. I don’t like feeling pressured to agree to gaining weight. I would like to start exercising more for health reasons, and when I hear his comments, it makes me feel like if my body changes again, it would be unwelcome. I’ve tried discussing this with him when we’re not having sex, and he reassures me that he’s going to love my body no matter what, but when it comes time to get sexy again the weight talk starts up. I’ve also tried to discern whether he just wants me to go along with it in the moment as a sort of role-playing thing, but his responses have been ambivalent. What bothers me most is that when I go along with it, in the absence of knowing for sure whether it’s just playing around, I feel like I’m making empty promises. Any ideas for how to address this?
—Weird Weight Comments