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Wedding Woes

Wait until it's closer to the wedding.

Dear Prudence,

My partner of five years and I recently broke up. It was sad but amicable. We still live together for logistical reasons and are on good terms. I’ve assured her that she will always remain part of my family, as mine lives nearby and hers is several states away. One of my sisters is getting married next year. Should I plan to invite my ex-partner? My sister will make space for her if I ask her to. I want her there and want to give her enough notice, but I am getting fairly serious with another person and don’t want to offend her. Is it weird for an ex to attend a family member’s wedding?

—Still My Plus-One?

Re: Wait until it's closer to the wedding.

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It's not up to you! You can't force your family to continue to stay close to your former partner. It's up to the sister to decide what relationship she wants to have with former partner, and how that relates to her guest list. 
    STARMOON44OliveOilsMomei34
  • Yes that's weird.  If you ex and your sister have a relationship still it should be completely separate from you.  You should not have any involvement or say in whether she is invited.  
    ei34short+sassy
  • I agree it's not up to LW, but I get the impression that sister is asking LW if Ex should still be on the guest list?  I think Ex should be 'b-listed' until it's time to finalize numbers and send invites. Even if sister does save-the-dates, one doesn't need to go to the Ex.
    ei34
  • Just because you're still good friends with your ex doesn't mean your family will stay close to her. And if they don't, I don't think it's appropriate to ask that she be invited to your sister's wedding. If your sister specifically asks if you're cool with her being invited, that's one thing, but I wouldn't recommend bringing it up yourself. Even if you are on good terms with your ex, you're just friends now, and your sister is no longer obligated to invite her to the wedding.
    image
  • Omg no stop it. This wedding is next year. Figure out a way to stop living together before you worry about this. 
    OMG I totally missed that part.  100% I agree with you.  Figure that s**t out first.  You sister will invite your ex if she wants to.  
    mrsconn23short+sassy
  • Casadena said:
    Omg no stop it. This wedding is next year. Figure out a way to stop living together before you worry about this. 
    OMG I totally missed that part.  100% I agree with you.  Figure that s**t out first.  You sister will invite your ex if she wants to.  
    Yeah, this is putting an awfully big cart before the horse.  Does the Ex even know that LW is getting serious with someone else?  Also, how long have they been split that LW has another 'serious' partner?  Anyway, LW needs to clean up 'their house' first before they worry about a party that's a year away and they don't even control the guest list.  But I still stand by my earlier statement that I think LW may be thinking about this because they've been asked by their sister.  And I still think the decision doesn't have to be made until numbers need finalization and invites are going out. 
    Casadenashort+sassy
  • This letter reminds me of a slight awkwardness I had with Ex's and family.. I dated one of my brothers friends in highschool. We broke up but they remained friends. When I got married my brother was not dating anyone and we gave all single guests a plus one. Guess who my brother brought as his guest? Yup, my ex-bf. Lol it was slightly awkward, haha.
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    kerbohlshort+sassy
  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Like others I find it odd that they "recently" broke up yet LW is already fairly serious with someone else. Now maybe "recently" is like 6 months ago and they're waiting for the lease to end or something but still odd. 
    ei34
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Omg no stop it. This wedding is next year. Figure out a way to stop living together before you worry about this. 
    This.  Shout out to the person LW is getting serious with, you're 50x a bigger person than me. 

    short+sassy
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 30
    ei34 said:
    Omg no stop it. This wedding is next year. Figure out a way to stop living together before you worry about this. 
    This.  Shout out to the person LW is getting serious with, you're 50x a bigger person than me. 
    This LW seriously needs to calm themselves.  How about you wait until you at least get the invite, 6-8 weeks out. "But I promised during our break-up that we'd all be FFF!!!!!!" (eyeroll with gagging).

    FWR, I'm about as un-jealous and flexible as a person can get.  I haven't cared when my previous SO's were friends with exes.  But I wouldn't be cool with my current SO living with an ex, unless maybe it was really temporary, while they're waiting 1-2 months for a lease to end or something.  However.  If they invited their ex to a family wedding when we were in supposed to be in a serious relationship?  I would be out of that relationship so fast they'd only catch a short+sassy blur.

    Edited to add:  Also wouldn't mind at all if the sister gave the ex their own invite and that person was going to be there also.
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    charlotte989875
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