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Oh this poor LW. :(

Dear Prudence,

I have a crush on a co-worker that’s making me miserable. We’re both married, and as far as I can tell it’s not mutual. I’ve remained professional, but we recently had to exchange numbers for a big project, and now I have daydreams about confessing. I know what’s causing this, in theory: My husband is unemployed, depressed, and mistrusts therapists, and we haven’t had sex in months. We talk about it regularly, and I’m working hard to support him emotionally and both of us financially. It’s hard, but I never question that it’s worth it. The object of my affection is about 10 years older than me, whip-smart, funny, supportive, and devoted to his family. Which is the stupidest reason to have a crush on someone, by the way. It’s just nice to think about a relationship like that.

But acting on it would ruin everything, and I don’t actually want to. Still, seeing him and thinking about him makes me flush like a teenager. It’s embarrassing. I know the real solution is getting myself and or my husband into therapy. That will take time. But how do I keep my hormones in check when I’m working with this guy tomorrow?

—Unwanted Co-worker Crush

Re: Oh this poor LW. :(

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This might be the first “coworker crush” letter that hasn’t made me roll my eyes. LW is trying so hard. 

  • Get yourself into counseling even if your husband won’t go. It’s fine to a crush on someone you work with but I think the LW knows that acting on it is a bad, bad idea. 

    I’d limit 1:1 time with the crush while you’re working things out on your own. 
  • Get into counseling.   Focus on the task itself and not who its with.   You're trying so acknowledge that you are and do your best to get the therapy you need.
  • I like how LW acknowledges the reasons why they have a crush and it's all valid in my mind.

    Definitely agree with others - counseling and limiting time with them.
  • You're already off to a good start by acknowledging why you have these feelings for your co-worker and by not wanting to act on these feelings. 

    Counseling is a good idea. Try to limit your interaction with this co-worker and keep non-work talk with him to a minimum. Confiding in him or getting to know him more on a personal level is not going to help matters.
  • Counseling is a good idea - but so is a couple's weekend at a couple's resort in the Poconos...  Take care of the easy part of the challenge to fix and go from there.  
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