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Wedding Woes

Only you can decide, LW. However, I'd be looking for a new therapist.

Dear Prudence,

Recently, when I searched for my therapist’s website, one of the first Google results for her name was a public comment she made about some newly proposed legislation in my state to ban conversion therapy. She is opposed to the ban. I read her argument, and it was calm (rather than some of the more obviously and intensely bigoted statements). But she is still OK with parents trying to convert their gay, bi, and trans children.

I grew up in a very religious environment, and I watched beloved friends go through conversion therapy as a teenager, and it was awful. I’m also bisexual and worried how I could trust a therapist who feels this way with my own sexual orientation. I’m so torn. I really like her. I already knew she was religious, and it hadn’t really been an issue before. It took me a year to actually talk about my trauma in therapy, and I can’t picture myself starting over with someone else. I reached out to her (she’s currently on family leave), and she says that her comments have nothing to do with our therapeutic relationship. She wants to meet to talk about it when she gets back. A friend also wondered aloud if I am self-sabotaging the progress I’ve made by taking this to heart. But I can’t forget what I read, and I kind of feel like it would be a betrayal to my teen self and LGBT kids everywhere to keep going. Am I self-sabotaging or protecting myself if I don’t go back? Would I be stupid to keep going?

—Anxious Patient

Re: Only you can decide, LW. However, I'd be looking for a new therapist.

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Only LW can decide what is right for them. As for me, this is a giant oh hell no. You cannot sit and counsel someone through trauma when you obviously don’t have a problem with it and you have an issue with who they are as a person. The fact that the therapists comments were made in a “calm manner” actually makes it worse to me. Conversion therapy is horrific and traumatizing. If a therapist agrees with it they have no business being in the business of therapy. 


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    charlotte989875CasadenaOliveOilsMomei34
  • LW, only you can decide if you trust your therapist's approach.   However if I were you I would probably not look to start a therapy program that was lead by someone with beliefs incongruous to mine if those beliefs can affect the program.   
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 3
    Only you can make this decision, LW, but I think you should find a new therapist. You don't need to agree with your therapist on everything, but this is a HUGE difference in values, and one that affects you personally on a very deep level. I don't know that you can be comfortable with her or continue to make progress with her in the long run.
    image
  • I wouldn't be able to burden the guilt I felt supporting a practitioner like this, no matter how otherwise good she was for me.  I'd find someone new.  I think only LW can make that decision, but this wouldn't be starting over, it's just another bump in the journey and LW might find an even better therapist.

    I had a really great therapist, but since I live in the literal buckle of the Bible belt, when I called for one, when asked for requirements, I said that their counseling degree couldn't be from a religious institution and I wouldn't accept one that practiced religious counseling at all (even if they wouldn't practice it with me).  It left me 2 people to chose from, from an entire staff of over 20 therapists. 
    mrsconn23charlotte989875levioosaOliveOilsMom
  • I would find a new therapist, and tell her why. 

    I also think you should tell your friend to mind her own business about your therapy.  If you can’t trust your therapist, for whatever reason, you shouldn’t be seeing them. It isn’t self-sabotage, it’s self-preservation. 
    OliveOilsMom
  • I would find a new therapist, and tell her why. 

    I also think you should tell your friend to mind her own business about your therapy.  If you can’t trust your therapist, for whatever reason, you shouldn’t be seeing them. It isn’t self-sabotage, it’s self-preservation. 
    Oh yeah, the friend can fuck all the way the hell off.   
    charlotte989875
  • I would find a new therapist, and tell her why. 

    I also think you should tell your friend to mind her own business about your therapy.  If you can’t trust your therapist, for whatever reason, you shouldn’t be seeing them. It isn’t self-sabotage, it’s self-preservation. 
    Agreed, the friend was totally out of line. How could LW not take something like this to heart?
    image
  • Agreed with all. Idk if I could follow through with essentially supporting a therapist that was okay with this.

    It bothers me there are therapists that still do this in general :(
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