Dear Prudence,
I’m coming up blank for a script I need to deal with the family I married into. They like to take family photos at funerals. I most definitely do not. I consider it out of place, and the fact that I look hideous in black and get swollen and blotchy after crying doesn’t help. Whenever they’ve started telling me to get up and smile with various cousins, I always have demurred and stay sitting. This has not gone over well. At the last funeral, the designated family photographer tried more than once to snap me, and I told him no directly. So he started taking candids. I told him to delete them immediately and that he did not have my permission to take or publish my photos. A cousin who thinks she’s the family’s head genealogist overheard and came over to tell him to ignore me and keep the photos anyway.
As far as I’m concerned, that was the final straw. I haven’t been to any family functions since. If necessary, both my husband and I are prepared to shut them out of our lives. Since I’ve been told by more than one of his relatives that I’m not “real family,” it’s no great loss. But is there a way I could have gotten my point across more diplomatically? The fact that my wishes got railroaded so thoroughly leaves me at a loss. What’s worse, I have a stalker whose interest gets piqued by any pictures he finds of me on the internet. Considering that my in-laws don’t seem especially interested in my boundaries, I don’t feel comfortable sharing that information with them. Do you have any advice?
—No Photos, Please