Wedding Woes

4 friends in the world

Dear Prudence,

About two years ago, my partner and I discovered one of our best friends had been breaking into our house (via a door we occasionally forgot to lock), stealing a prescription medication, and replacing it with an over-the-counter drug that looked very similar. This went on for months until we caught her on a home camera. I confronted her in the most compassionate way I could and made it clear that our friendship was over. We run in similar social and professional circles, and we are always cordial when we bump into each other.

We have texted occasionally, and lately any text exchange (usually started by her) ends with her telling us how much she misses our friendship. We have since offered her forgiveness, but I know that our confrontation triggered a mental health downward spiral for her. She has been open about this on social media. I have always felt a bit guilty about this, even though I know it is not my fault. It seems like she is getting help, although she seems far from well. Truthfully, I miss our friendship and am considering rekindling it. My partner has no interest in this, but I am sure he would not mind if I socialized with her. The trouble is that we used to almost exclusively hang out at my house, and neither of us feels comfortable having her in the house again. Should I even try to pick up the pieces of a once-valued friendship? Did she truly go too far breaching our trust for a friendship to be possible? If so, where should I begin?

—Bouncing Back From Burglary

Re: 4 friends in the world

  • Nope nope nope.   

    You miss this friend and you're mourning the loss of a relationship.   You're allowed to grieve that and wish that it was there however please remind yourself why you ended this friendship in the first place. 

    Why are you asking questions and doubting yourself?  

    To answer your questions:

    Should I even try to pick up the pieces of a once-valued friendship? 
    Why are these your pieces to pick up?   The actions that ended the friendship were the result of  your former friend and not your actions.

    Did she truly go too far breaching our trust for a friendship to be possible?
    If this was not your situation, how would you advise a friend who found out that a mutual friend was repeatedly entering her home without permission through an unlocked door to not only steal a prescription medication but to replace it with an OTC medication that was not the prescribed drug?  What would the repercussions be for the person prescribed that medication and how detrimental would that be to their health if they were repeatedly taking the wrong drugs?   What would your advice be to the friend who found out that trust was betrayed, items were stolen and the health of someone was compromised? 

    If so, where should I begin?
    Read above.   And I think it  is time to seek some better friendships.  
  • LW confronted the thief, but did the thief ever get help for their addiction?  If that is a no, then I would not rekindle the friendship.  If thief got help for their addiction, I might begin to meet them at coffee shops, but never my house again (trust issues but also since LWs partner forbids it - its their house too).  I would need to see a true and clear sorrowfulness from thief to attempt a friendship again.  Addiction does terrible things to people and makes them act in ways the normally would not - this is why I would consider starting the friendship again.

    LW already did a huge favor to the thief by not reporting the break in and stealing AND by not telling their mutual friends.  I think LW still feels guilty about the whole thing and that is why they are considering rekindling the friendship.
  • LW confronted the thief, but did the thief ever get help for their addiction?  If that is a no, then I would not rekindle the friendship.  If thief got help for their addiction, I might begin to meet them at coffee shops, but never my house again (trust issues but also since LWs partner forbids it - its their house too).  I would need to see a true and clear sorrowfulness from thief to attempt a friendship again.  Addiction does terrible things to people and makes them act in ways the normally would not - this is why I would consider starting the friendship again.

    LW already did a huge favor to the thief by not reporting the break in and stealing AND by not telling their mutual friends.  I think LW still feels guilty about the whole thing and that is why they are considering rekindling the friendship.
    This is the one and only reason where I could potentially see where someone might want to consider forgiving and cautiously becoming friends with someone again.  Assuming the theft was caused by an addiction issue.  Because, sadly, stealing from family/friends is what some addicts do.

    Though the additional piece of horror for me on this is that the friend was potentially jeopardizing another person's health!!!!  I assume there was a good reason the LW/partner were using the prescription version, instead of the OTC stuff.  For example, there could have been an ingredient in the OTC that the person taking it was deathly allergic to, hence they take the prescription.  The friend-thief didn't think of or care about the potential repercussions of altering someone's medication!  That is the really f**ked up piece of this that I personally would probably find unforgivable.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • LW confronted the thief, but did the thief ever get help for their addiction?  If that is a no, then I would not rekindle the friendship.  If thief got help for their addiction, I might begin to meet them at coffee shops, but never my house again (trust issues but also since LWs partner forbids it - its their house too).  I would need to see a true and clear sorrowfulness from thief to attempt a friendship again.  Addiction does terrible things to people and makes them act in ways the normally would not - this is why I would consider starting the friendship again.

    LW already did a huge favor to the thief by not reporting the break in and stealing AND by not telling their mutual friends.  I think LW still feels guilty about the whole thing and that is why they are considering rekindling the friendship.
    This is the one and only reason where I could potentially see where someone might want to consider forgiving and cautiously becoming friends with someone again.  Assuming the theft was caused by an addiction issue.  Because, sadly, stealing from family/friends is what some addicts do.

    Though the additional piece of horror for me on this is that the friend was potentially jeopardizing another person's health!!!!  I assume there was a good reason the LW/partner were using the prescription version, instead of the OTC stuff.  For example, there could have been an ingredient in the OTC that the person taking it was deathly allergic to, hence they take the prescription.  The friend-thief didn't think of or care about the potential repercussions of altering someone's medication!  That is the really f**ked up piece of this that I personally would probably find unforgivable.
    And the LW said that it seems like she's getting health but seems far from well.

    I'd possibly consider someone like this back in my life but NOT in my house.   This would be public at best.   
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards