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Wedding Woes

4 men

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend and I occasionally have parties at his home. I’m not much of a drinker myself, but we supply some alcohol and invite people to bring their own if they care to. The last few times we’ve hosted, some of our guests have started playing drinking games like beer pong. I think drinking games belong in college. We’re all in our 20s and 30s, and I wish they’d leave the games on campus. I didn’t want to be a buzzkill, but the second time our guests started a drinking game, it broke up in a near fistfight over the rules. I want to establish a “no drinking games” rule for our next party, but my boyfriend plans to set up a table specifically for beer pong. I’m surprised by this, since he was more upset than I was over the near fight at our last party. Am I being unreasonable for wanting to ban drinking games at a party of adults? I’m not out to ruin everyone’s fun, but I think drinking games promote getting very drunk very quickly, which can lead to bad outcomes. We also don’t have room for anyone to spend the night if they’re too drunk to drive, so there’s also a safety concern. We don’t plan on inviting the people who caused the last altercation, so I’m not worried about an exact repeat, but I do think the odds are decent someone’s going to propose another drinking game in the future.

—No Pong, Please

Re: 4 men

  • You can set rules for your parties, but it sounds like you and your boyfriend are not on the same page with this, so even if you say no pong would he let it happen anyway? 

    I think you can’t control other people’s drinking at a party and if people want to get “too drunk, too fast” they’ll do that with or without beer pong. IME the desire for drinking games burns itself out for most people eventually, and maybe it did for LW sooner than their friends. 
  • It’s his house! He wants beer pong! If you don’t like it, skip the party. 
    Totally missed that, I was reading it like they lived together. 

    I still think they should have some agreement here, but yeah if they’re not able to compromise on this maybe it’s time she skips the party, or leaves when the beer pong comes out. 
  • It’s his house! He wants beer pong! If you don’t like it, skip the party. 
    Totally missed that, I was reading it like they lived together. 

    I still think they should have some agreement here, but yeah if they’re not able to compromise on this maybe it’s time she skips the party, or leaves when the beer pong comes out. 
    Ultimately I think they just aren’t suited for each other but nothing wrong with partying separately from time to time. 
    charlotte989875MissKittyDangerbanana468
  • I understand your concerns, and I think it's reasonable to bring up those concerns to your boyfriend. However, I also noticed you referred to it as HIS home, not YOUR home. Until you and he are living together, if he's okay with the beer pong (or just wants to keep his friends happy, which may be more to the point), there isn't much else you can do about this. 
    image
    charlotte989875STARMOON44short+sassy
  • I mean, house rules over any other....
    VarunaTT
  • LW, what you think and what's reality aren't the same.   

    Newsflash: people play drinking games out of college.   They happen.   They will continue to happen.   And whether or not you think this is beneath you won't change their minds.

    I can tell you one thing: if you keep up this "I am more mature than you" routine you won't have to worry about hosting those parties with your boyfriend for much longer. 
    charlotte989875VarunaTT
  • This would be a good discussion to have if they ever start talking about moving in together.

    But, while it's his place, it's his place.  And if he and his friends still like to play drinking games, that's fine also.  I don't think there's anything wrong with her letting him know her preference.  And/or choosing to either not go to some of the parties or leaving when the games start.

    I'm also sure that not everyone is playing.  So go hang out with the people how aren't, if it bothers her.  TBH, I think she's being too judgmental and making a big deal out of nothing.  Yes, the "almost" fist fight was concerning.  And, yes, I realize the cause was a "dispute" over the game rules.  But, unfortunately, sometimes altercations happen over all kinds of dumb things.  Especially when alcohol is involved and it's not like people are going to be tee-totaling, without the games.  Maybe next time it will be because Popeye didn't like the way Brutus was eying Olive Oyl.

    She could also throw the occasional party at her place!  Then she gets to make the rules.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MissKittyDangercharlotte989875
  • Has LW ever mentioned the concerns to their spouse? I know his house, his rules BUT maybe they could find a compromise somewhere?

    If not, maybe he's just more into partying than she realizes.
  • House host makes the drinking game rules.  If the guest doesn't like it, they don't play, is how you take care of the rules fight.

    I'm 42 and the number of times I still see people playing beer pong at parties floors me, but it was never my jam.  And hell, I play a drinking game at presidential debates all the time (though I use sips of wine now, I don't want alcohol poisoning).  This just comes across as judgey and whoever said the "I'm more mature than you," is right on the money.  My former SIL was like that and it was just terrible to tolerate.
    banana468charlotte989875CasadenaSTARMOON44
  • VarunaTT said:
    House host makes the drinking game rules.  If the guest doesn't like it, they don't play, is how you take care of the rules fight.

    I'm 42 and the number of times I still see people playing beer pong at parties floors me, but it was never my jam.  And hell, I play a drinking game at presidential debates all the time (though I use sips of wine now, I don't want alcohol poisoning).  This just comes across as judgey and whoever said the "I'm more mature than you," is right on the money.  My former SIL was like that and it was just terrible to tolerate.
    I've been at parties in my 20s where we'll play occasional drinking games, but it was more like "hey remember this? It was fun, let's play again for nostalgia."
    charlotte989875
  • VarunaTT said:
    House host makes the drinking game rules.  If the guest doesn't like it, they don't play, is how you take care of the rules fight.

    I'm 42 and the number of times I still see people playing beer pong at parties floors me, but it was never my jam.  And hell, I play a drinking game at presidential debates all the time (though I use sips of wine now, I don't want alcohol poisoning).  This just comes across as judgey and whoever said the "I'm more mature than you," is right on the money.  My former SIL was like that and it was just terrible to tolerate.
    That's more my style of a drinking game that I think can be funny, for people who want to participate.

    I worked on a project about 7 years ago that was featured on one of those Discovery shows.  I think it was Mega Engineering.  Our corporate office was on the West Coast and they sent two of their junior engineers to come work on this project for 6 months.  So they were set up in corporate housing and lived next door to each other.

    They set up a drinking game for the night the show was broadcast, lmao.  They had a whole set of rules, but I only remember two.

    1) A sip of beer every time Hurricane Katrina was mentioned (project was a result of that disaster)

    2) A shot every time the show said something that was an error/misstatement/not true.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    VarunaTTcharlotte989875
  • When we get together with friends (we're in our early 30's) we often play games like beer pong or whatever.  We don't necessarily enforce the "rules" and generally fill the cups the with water and drink while we play.  It's just something to do that's fun and reminds us of college.  Sounds like this might be a different story, but if LW doesn't like it she doesn't have to play. 
    charlotte989875VarunaTTbanana468
  • VarunaTT said:
    House host makes the drinking game rules.  If the guest doesn't like it, they don't play, is how you take care of the rules fight.

    I'm 42 and the number of times I still see people playing beer pong at parties floors me, but it was never my jam.  And hell, I play a drinking game at presidential debates all the time (though I use sips of wine now, I don't want alcohol poisoning).  This just comes across as judgey and whoever said the "I'm more mature than you," is right on the money.  My former SIL was like that and it was just terrible to tolerate.
    FWIW, I remember thinking that those games were dumb. 

    Then I realized that I was the one wound up at the parties and everyone was having a good time and doing just fine.  

    LW, stop trying to get people to conform to your concept of what people are supposed to be doing to have fun at your age. 
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