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Wedding Woes

Rock meet hard place.

Dear Prudence,

Snooping is terrible. I know. But when a co-worker quit and my boss asked me to search her email for something—and I instantly saw a Gchat conversation on the side that “[my name] is the worsssst”—I just couldn’t help myself. I opened the chat and saw four co-workers, all of whom I thought I had good relationships with, spending YEARS making fun of me relentlessly. Screenshotting my social media posts to laugh at them, rolling their eyes at every email I sent, calling me a “try hard” and a “kiss ass” for caring too much about work, making fun of my partner. Just truly mean stuff. I’m embarrassed and so, so hurt.

I know that I can never confront them, because what I did to find the conversation was ridiculously unprofessional. I just wonder how I can move on and continue to work with these people. I’m so self-conscious about my every move at this point. How do I get over it?

—I Feel Like I’m Back in Seventh Grade

Re: Rock meet hard place.

  • First of all ... owch for LW :\ 

    Second, LW should start distancing themselves from these people. Clearly they are the kind who will talk about anyone behind their back - also unfriend them on fb.
    If they ask, LW could just say they're slowly shutting down social media.

    Third, when referring to them just do it in a professional manner. They've shown their colours.
    VarunaTT
  • "I now consider you blocked and deleted!" needs to be her mantra.  She is now conscious of who her enemies are.  No social media posts to them, no favors at the office outside of stated job duties, etc.  One has to wonder if the person who sent her to search for something didn't know this was going on and used it as the chance for her to see it herself.  Provided those individuals aren't supervisors to LW, a transfer of departments may be in LW's best interest because this now is officially a toxic work environment that LW essentially has to keep inside unless this was a company based system being utilized only during business hours that would also confirm those individual's opinions of the LW if taken to HR.  
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  • I will say when I log into my work system, it is stated that anything I do can be monitored, which I'm sure is a standard disclaimer for most companies.  This would fall under that, just sayin'. 

    If I were LW, they could be all, "Hey boss!  I need you to look at something and let me know if this is what you needed," and then try to have the information 'inconspicuously' up or 'featured' when the boss comes over.  A 'lead the horse to water' thing, IDK.   We do have an 'integrity' hotline to report stuff like this, but I don't trust the anonymity of that as far as I can throw it. 
    charlotte989875
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh man, I feel for LW. That had to really hurt. 

    Years ago, I became very friendly with a coworker. So much so, I had asked her to be in my first wedding. One day she accidentally sent me an email about me, that she meant to send to someone else. It really fucking hurt my feelings. It was a totally snotty email about something so dumb as me answering the phone, so it was pretty clear to me that this was something they did on an everyday basis. Anyway, that was 15 years ago, and it still bugs me when I think about it. 

    If I was LW, I'd absolutely block them from all social media, and I'd keep all conversations to strictly work related. 

    mrsconn23short+sassyMesmrEwe
  • Oh man, I feel for LW. That had to really hurt. 

    Years ago, I became very friendly with a coworker. So much so, I had asked her to be in my first wedding. One day she accidentally sent me an email about me, that she meant to send to someone else. It really fucking hurt my feelings. It was a totally snotty email about something so dumb as me answering the phone, so it was pretty clear to me that this was something they did on an everyday basis. Anyway, that was 15 years ago, and it still bugs me when I think about it. 

    If I was LW, I'd absolutely block them from all social media, and I'd keep all conversations to strictly work related. 
    People are awful :(
  • Oh man, I feel for LW. That had to really hurt. 

    Years ago, I became very friendly with a coworker. So much so, I had asked her to be in my first wedding. One day she accidentally sent me an email about me, that she meant to send to someone else. It really fucking hurt my feelings. It was a totally snotty email about something so dumb as me answering the phone, so it was pretty clear to me that this was something they did on an everyday basis. Anyway, that was 15 years ago, and it still bugs me when I think about it. 

    If I was LW, I'd absolutely block them from all social media, and I'd keep all conversations to strictly work related. 
    This was a hard letter for me also.  Not so much because I've had a similar experience, but because I know how incredibly hurt I'd be by it and it would haunt me for a long time.

    Occasional snarky comments by the coworkers?  And hopefully mixed in with nice comments also.  The LW could have chalked that up to bored people gossiping at work.  Still hurtful, but not to a devastating level.

    But the betrayal to find out it has been vicious gossiping for years by people they thought they had a positive and friendly relationship with is pretty gut-wrenching.
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 3
    Oh man, I feel for LW. That had to really hurt. 

    Years ago, I became very friendly with a coworker. So much so, I had asked her to be in my first wedding. One day she accidentally sent me an email about me, that she meant to send to someone else. It really fucking hurt my feelings. It was a totally snotty email about something so dumb as me answering the phone, so it was pretty clear to me that this was something they did on an everyday basis. Anyway, that was 15 years ago, and it still bugs me when I think about it. 

    If I was LW, I'd absolutely block them from all social media, and I'd keep all conversations to strictly work related. 
    This was a hard letter for me also.  Not so much because I've had a similar experience, but because I know how incredibly hurt I'd be by it and it would haunt me for a long time.

    Occasional snarky comments by the coworkers?  And hopefully mixed in with nice comments also.  The LW could have chalked that up to bored people gossiping at work.  Still hurtful, but not to a devastating level.

    But the betrayal to find out it has been vicious gossiping for years by people they thought they had a positive and friendly relationship with is pretty gut-wrenching.
    I'm right there too. Making fun of you behind your back, and making fun of your partner too? All while thinking these people were your friends? Ugh. It hurts my heart. 

  • Oh man, I feel for LW. That had to really hurt. 

    Years ago, I became very friendly with a coworker. So much so, I had asked her to be in my first wedding. One day she accidentally sent me an email about me, that she meant to send to someone else. It really fucking hurt my feelings. It was a totally snotty email about something so dumb as me answering the phone, so it was pretty clear to me that this was something they did on an everyday basis. Anyway, that was 15 years ago, and it still bugs me when I think about it. 

    If I was LW, I'd absolutely block them from all social media, and I'd keep all conversations to strictly work related. 
    This was a hard letter for me also.  Not so much because I've had a similar experience, but because I know how incredibly hurt I'd be by it and it would haunt me for a long time.

    Occasional snarky comments by the coworkers?  And hopefully mixed in with nice comments also.  The LW could have chalked that up to bored people gossiping at work.  Still hurtful, but not to a devastating level.

    But the betrayal to find out it has been vicious gossiping for years by people they thought they had a positive and friendly relationship with is pretty gut-wrenching.
    I'm right there too. Making fun of you behind your back, and making fun of your partner too? All while thinking these people were your friends? Ugh. It hurts my heart. 
    It really sucks when you think that the people you thought you could trust you can't.   There are few feelings that suck as bad as knowing you've been betrayed. 
    MesmrEwe
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