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Wedding Woes

Photoshop 'fail'.

Dear Prudence,

I am a man in his 50s, married to my second wife for 16 years. Our sex life has clearly diminished over the course of the years—with quick, routine sex before sleep at best every two to three months or so. As a result I have focused my sexual energy (which I definitely still have) toward erotic fantasies about my wife. I envision her in all sort of wild, tabooless sex with strangers and friends alike.

As I possess some pretty decent Photoshop skills, I have started to visualize these fantasies in very convincing fake pictures—of a high quality, almost arty level (at least, so I like to flatter myself thinking). I have kept these pictures strictly for myself, occasionally masturbating to them, although I find the real thrill in making up and realizing the erotic scenes. It’s simply a nonharmful way to channel my sexual energy. Regrettably, my wife has run into the pictures, and she is disgusted by them, although I have ensured her they are only for myself and I have no desire whatsoever to see any of these fantasies actually come true. Am I really doing such a horrendous thing? I am not the cheating kind, I would never leave my wife, and the only thing I afford myself—just to keep my libido satisfied—is creating these erotic visuals. Should I give up my secret “hobby”?

—I’m Not a Creep

Re: Photoshop 'fail'.

  • He needs to use his words and hear hers.

    Has he talked to her about being unsatisfied with frequency?  Is he able to talk to her that he fantasizes about her? 

    Then he needs to listen to her.   How "safe" are these photos?  If something were to happen to him how quickly can she access his computer to delete the things that should not be accessed?  

    And can he talk to her about possibly doing things to increase frequency and maybe talking about ways to indulge his fantasies?  
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • LW is walking a fine line of "at least it's your wife" and boarder line illegal.

    LW better tell their SO and expect them to not be happy. I sure a.f would not be.
  • Nope nope nope. Not cool to create what appear to be pornographic images of your wife without her consent. 
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Nope, LW this was non consensual and wrong. 


    image
    short+sassy
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Everything about this letter bothers me so much. He sets it up that his wife isn't "giving" him enough sex, so he resorted to creating pornographic images about her. So really, even though this is non-consensual, it's still all her fault. And gee-golly, his photoshop skills are passable, but the images are really tasteful. And just so you know, he would never cheat, so doesn't he get a pass for whatever else he wants to do? It's like nice-guy syndrome going off the rails. Something tells me that her stumbling upon the photos wasn't a true accident.

    This guy is a creep. 
    MissKittyDangerlevioosaOliveOilsMom
  • This one really creeped me out. It sounds like LW jumped right to making pornographic images of his wife without her consent instead of talking to her about his concerns about their sex life. Even if they had talked, it still would've been wrong to make those images, of course, but the fact that it sounds like he couldn't even be bothered to communicate with her about their sex life makes it all the worse somehow. 

    I don't know if there's any coming back from this. If I were the wife, I'd be looking to end the marriage. I'd just feel too violated to go on with it.
    image
    charlotte989875STARMOON44
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