Wedding Woes

Sounds like he tried to Ross Gellar you.

Dear Prudence,
I’m a woman in my early 30s. My housemate is a man in his mid-20s. We became friends through work this year and decided to become housemates. It was a good personality fit and an economic benefit for us both. We have separate bedrooms and a shared living space. It’s pretty plum in every way, except that he seems to think I’m his girlfriend. A few weeks after moving in together, we had a couple of drinks, and he dropped some hints that he was attracted to me. I find him attractive too, we were both a little tipsy, and we wound up making out on the couch. (I know, I know!) It was fun and, I thought, casual and harmless. Nothing much changed between us afterward, although we became a bit more touchy-feely. Otherwise things went on like they had before, we never discussed the encounter, and we haven’t had sex.

But I’ve started noticing him saying things like “I’d always hoped I’d meet someone like you” and “I’m not very good at this—I don’t have a lot of experience in relationships.” Then he also mentioned feeling jealous about other men in my life (at work, etc.). He made a joke once about “having to fight these other guys off.” I had been fine with our slightly increased physical closeness, but this made me uneasy. Then I overheard his family members refer to me as his “girlfriend.” Now my feet are very, very cold.

How can I tactfully break it to him that I don’t actually want to be “in a relationship” with him? I really, really don’t want to hurt him. I’m just not looking for a partner in him either.

—Don’t Want to Date My Roommate

Re: Sounds like he tried to Ross Gellar you.

  • "Hey, what did you mean when you said "That's my wife,?"

    You need to have a difficult conversation.   Tell him you like him and the make out session was fun however he's your roommate and that's where this begins and ends. 
    charlotte989875OliveOilsMom
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    This HAS to require a talk.  You can’t avoid it.

    MissKittyDangershort+sassyMesmrEwe
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2019
    You need to sit down and have a conversation where you explain that you like living with him but you aren't interested in him "that way." Assuming you guys continue living together after this discussion, I suggest cooling it with the "touchy-feely" stuff because it may make him think he still has a chance and you'll be stuck on this merry-go-round forever.

    image
    short+sassy
  • Noooooooo, LW!  You should have nipped this in the bud the moment he started using phrases like "hoped to meet someone like you" and called it a "relationship".

    It still needs to be done.  Except now the LW has made it that much harder because they have avoided this OBVIOUS conversation that should have already happened.
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  • LW - words...

    Tipsy or not, shouldn't have made out.  Have the conversation that "ROOMMATE!" not GF!!!!  Friends with benefits...  She's just not ready for a relationship/settle down...
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