Wedding Woes

Start driving separately and go home when you're ready to leave.

Dear Prudence,

My mother-in-law is generous and dotes on our 3-year-old son. We live less than an hour away and visit every Sunday. She invites us to spend the night on holidays, but never in the spare room. Instead we sleep on an air mattress downstairs. They let other guests (and our son) stay in the spare room. My mother-in-law has accused me of snooping a few times. I never have. I think she doesn’t want me upstairs. My husband defended me from those accusations, and my father-in-law apologized to me on her behalf. She has a hot temper, but she eventually apologized too. But she still makes sure I never go upstairs. If I need something for my son that’s in his room, she’ll go out of her way to get it for me. I feel resentful at the thought of another New Year’s on an air mattress on the floor in the living room. My husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but he doesn’t have a good reason for why she does it either.

—Not Welcome Upstairs

Re: Start driving separately and go home when you're ready to leave.

  • Your husband is a spineless asshat.  He needs to say:

    "Mom, it's not going to work for us to sleep on the air mattress.   If you'd like to keep the kiddo overnight that's a wonderful gift and we'll sleep in a hotel.   What can we pick up on the way over for breakfast?"  

    If this is an odd thing for the MIL to do then let it go - but you also don't need to accept the air mattress.   And your H needs to do a better job of defending this. 
  • This would be a no from me dawg. 
  • I'd stop staying over completely, and her H needs to back her up on this too. 
  • The ODDEST thing to me is the fact that they live less than an hour away and stay the night on holidays.  We used to do that very rarely when FIL lived across town (and a few times when MIL was alive) and only if it was for a special, specific reason (like SIL was in town for the holidays).  I really loathe not being in my own bed when I'm in town and I'll ensure we get home vs. be stuck somewhere in an uncertain sleeping situation. 

    Since LW knows the score, including her husband not having her back, she needs to control her own destiny and either not go or have a plan to leave on her terms.  The first thing I'd do is stop going every Sunday for dinner.  I cannot imagine taking several hours out of a weekend day to subject myself to this shit, especially since the apology got was empty since MIL still acts like a whack-a-doo over the upstairs of her home where she keeps things for LW's son in 'his' room.  MIL sounds extremely controlling and clearly has some ridiculous hang-ups.  I don't care how generous she may be with her grandchild, at some point this behavior is going to be an issue regarding LW's son.  

    And again, LW has a husband problem since her H cares more about appeasing his mother vs. his wife's comfort and time. 
  • Im with @mrsconn23, I live in Chicagoland so driving 1 hr isn’t a big deal to me.  I’d just drive home! Unless both have drank to much?  

  • I agree with PP who say to stop spending the night - the drive isn't as much of a headache as staying over is.  

  • Do they not have Uber? I’m assuming the staying over is either 1) drinks or 2) they stay late and the son is already asleep. So why not Uber and let the son spend the night? This is super weird and the husband needs to have a more direct conversation with his mother. 

    And hell no to multiple nights on an air mattress. 
  • Yep - drive separately or drive home then come pick up H & DS in the morning.  Sleeping on an air mattress with any frequency sucks (IMO the couch or recliner are more comfortable options), but also, I'm going to go a step farther and say the parents should be the ones sleeping in the actual bed in the guest room, not the kid in this scenario, I just find that part of things odd too.  

    Time to arrange life so that they're able to drive home instead of staying there.  If H & DS want to go every single Sunday, more power to them, but at some point LW needs to advocate for herself too!



  • Even if they were the best ILs ever...and clearly they are not, at least not the MIL...I'm not making a 1 hour r/t in my car every Sunday.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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