Wedding Woes

Here are some hotel recommendations. We should get together for dinner while you're here!

We’ve recently moved to a popular European city. We’ve only barely unpacked, and we are already inundated with requests from people to come stay with us. Just today five people told me about their plans to visit. They didn’t ask if it was OK or if we had space (it’s not a huge apartment) or even how I am doing. Some of them are definitely acquaintances—in one case, we have not spoken for years. My partner has been approached by distant relatives I’ve never met. My partner’s ex, whom we’re barely friendly with, is also apparently coming with their partner. First of all: What on earth? Were this many people desperate to visit this particular city and the only thing stopping them was lack of free accommodation with people they sort of know? Secondly, the answer to all of these people is obviously no, but what is a nice, simple, polite-enough, not-up-for-debate response? And how do I get to it, since they didn’t actually ask?
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Re: Here are some hotel recommendations. We should get together for dinner while you're here!

  • Are all these people really serious, or is this is a ‘they’re commenting on a Facebook post about how they’d love to visit’ situation? 

    If they’re real, they’re clearly rude. Point them to nearby hotels and say you’d love to meet up for dinner. But first, you and your partner need to be on the same page for how to handle requests, make a plan and stick to it! 
    OliveOilsMomSTARMOON44short+sassyei34
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Agree.  Talk with your partner, come up with the standard line and use it for all parties involved.  The best idea is to point out local hotels and a place to meet up for dinner.

    Side note - We are planning to travel to Ireland in May.  I finally got in touch with my one friend there and he offered us his apartment!  Even to the point that he will stay with his dad!  I am just in awe of the hospitality!  We are still planning to book a hotel, but we are waiting to purchase airfare before that.  I just want to see my friends!  I don't want/need to stay at their places!
    short+sassy
  • I think 90% of these people are just nicely indicating that they will miss you. 
    banana468charlotte989875cupcait927ei34
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "I'm sorry, we just don't have the room to accommodate you, but here are some nearby hotels. Let's plan an outing to see ______". 

    short+sassyei34MesmrEwe
  • I think 90% of these people are just nicely indicating that they will miss you. 
    This.   Until someone actually says, "We will be in town from the 13th to the 17th.   Please pick us up at the Berlin airport at 9.   I know it's farther from you but that was the best deal," feel flattered. 

    And if you really feel like you need to curb it say, "Hey we'd love to see you out here.   Let me know if you want the names of hotels close by." 




    charlotte989875short+sassyei34
  • I reread the letter and the LW does specifically say that they have received "requests from people to come stay with us".  Though that does sound odd it would be that frequent.  Maybe, at least with some of the people, that is the LW's assumption and not what the person actually said.

    I live in a popular tourist destination.  I have occasionally had people ask if they can stay with me for their trip over XYZ period of time.  Including my own sister, lol...asked, didn't assume.  But I've never had someone just assume they could.  I've also never had someone who wasn't already a close friend or family member ask.

    But, yeah, the LW and their partner need to put together a standard response to use.  Like, "I'm so sorry.  We really cannot accommodate overnight guests.  But I'll e-mail you over some of the hotels/restaurants/things to do that I recommend.  We'd also love to get together with you all while you're in town (if that is true)."

    Come to think of it.  I need to find friends in NYC who like to visit NOLA.  Set up an informal "quid pro quo" of couch surfing, lmao.
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    OliveOilsMomdowntondivacharlotte989875ei34
  • I reread the letter and the LW does specifically say that they have received "requests from people to come stay with us".  Though that does sound odd it would be that frequent.  Maybe, at least with some of the people, that is the LW's assumption and not what the person actually said.

    I live in a popular tourist destination.  I have occasionally had people ask if they can stay with me for their trip over XYZ period of time.  Including my own sister, lol...asked, didn't assume.  But I've never had someone just assume they could.  I've also never had someone who wasn't already a close friend or family member ask.

    But, yeah, the LW and their partner need to put together a standard response to use.  Like, "I'm so sorry.  We really cannot accommodate overnight guests.  But I'll e-mail you over some of the hotels/restaurants/things to do that I recommend.  We'd also love to get together with you all while you're in town (if that is true)."

    Come to think of it.  I need to find friends in NYC who like to visit NOLA.  Set up an informal "quid pro quo" of couch surfing, lmao.
    Even with those requests I think you can say, "Oh we won't have the space for guests.   Here are places down the road."   Until it's booked I think people are dumb but not really good at following through.   I had the same thing when I announced my engagement, "Oh I can't wait to go!"  

    Yeahhhhh you'll see the photos.  
    charlotte989875ei34
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with the "until someone shares their actual travel dates with you you're safe" PP.  If someone does give a line like banana said, my reply would be "we can't host you but would love to see you while you're in town- when you're doing your itinerary let me know when you'll be around for a meal!". I wouldn't elaborate on why.  
    Pre-kids/living with roommates, my roomies and I set ground rules for OOT guests who wanted to stay.  From the start there was a two-night max stay, and after about a year we added in the OOT guest can be in the apt when their host was also home.  Sounds harsh but roomie A and I had to add it in after roomie B had people staying and then never being around.  Roomie B took it surprisingly well. 


    charlotte989875
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