Wedding Woes

All cities/towns/areas aren't created equal.

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend of seven years and I both want to get married one day, probably soon. However, it was always my plan to live in a small town close to nature as soon as I graduate medical school. I despise life in the big city and have always looked forward to escaping it. He doesn’t want to live in a small town ever, and his career really wouldn’t allow for it. Plus, he loves the big city. This is the biggest of several differences in our life plans. I’m ready to give up my dreams to be with him, but however deeply I love him, I think I’ll be miserable. I don’t want to lose him. Will this doom us? What can we do?

—Urban vs. Rural

Re: All cities/towns/areas aren't created equal.

  • I'm curious as to what part of the country this couple lives in. Where I am, you can live in a fairly small town (granted, not necessarily "close to nature") while still having pretty good access to a large city. 

    As far as whether they are "doomed," I think a lot of that depends on what other big differences they have regarding their life plans.
  • Can you two figure out what kind of compromises are possible? 

    Having grown up near Dr. Doofenshmirtz in the tri-state area there are a lot of people who work in NYC and live in a house.   It can be the best of both worlds by being close to the city when you want and also not when you don't.   Start to look into options. 
  • DH would love NOTHING more than to live in the middle of nowhere with acreage.  And we may still do that one day.  But I have always wanted to be close to an area that allows us to have shopping options.  Again, with Amazon and 2 day delivery becoming the norm, I could see myself living farther out eventually. 

    DH's desire not to be in a neighborhood is why we live outside of one and on a large lot.  We've found the downsides to that, namely lack of freedom and close friends for DefConn. 

    BIL/SIL live in a small village inside a large city.  It's a cute area and they have a nice, historic, craftsman home. They have a decent size backyard that is fenced in and seems rather private.  It doesn't feel like you're in a city. 

    The LW seems to think that suburbs outside larger cities don't exist.  Also, there are smaller cities where you can 'get out' easily and enjoy nature/quietness without it being a huge ordeal.  Indy is that type of city.  Anyway, they need to talk about the future and compromise on something.  If they don't come an understanding on this, then it may not work out in the long run. 
  • Compromise with a suburb. 
  • It's called the suburbs. Most large cities have a variety of suburbs with different types of communities. I live in a suburb that feels very urban, but I can go 3 miles in one direction where the suburbs feel like a small town. If you go the other way, it feels like a movie version of suburbs.

    Find one that is easy access to the city for him, but offers a community feel and good parks or nature for you. Even better, large cities have medical facilities in the suburbs, so LW may not even have to go into the city much. 
  • Compromise with a suburb. 

    M is more "country" vibe {except for his music lmao} and I'm definitely more city.
    We live in a suburb. It's as close to city as he'll ever live, and close to country as I'll ever go.
  • I grew up in the country but we were 15 minutes away from the nearest town.  If you don't mind a bit of a commute, there are areas that exist to have the best of both worlds!  There are also some cities with huge parks.  

  • Weeellll, unless I am mistaken because I am not in the medical field.  I think "graduate from medical school", usually translates into spending quite a few years in internships/residencies/etc. where a person does not necessarily get a lot of choices in the various places they will be working.

    This is so true. This may be a non-issue since LW may not have a say on location in the first few years.  Unless they already know and are now disagreeing on where to live in the place LW has been assigned?  But as an intern, don't you like eat, sleep, and breathe the hospital? I don't know any doctors personally, so...

    Furthermore, this feels like a five-year plan conversation vs. that once they decide where they're planting their flag, that's it.  There are so many variables and life stuff that comes up that may change everything.  I mean a whole plot line on Friends was whether or not to raise kids 'in the city'.   

    This LW is making this like it's black and white, when it's...not.  I think there needs to be compromise and awareness of your partners desires, but the decision on where to live next year doesn't need to be finite. 
  • This could be this week's "One man in the world.."

    Go live in the country and take advantage of the tuition reimbursement programs available to MD's working in small town communities!  If the relationship is meant to be it'll be...
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards