Wedding Woes

"It's just going to be me. Thanks."

Dear Prudence,

I’ve never been in a relationship of any kind. I recently ended things with a guy I had been on a few dates with but didn’t especially like. I’m starting to suspect dating just isn’t in the cards for me. I don’t know if I even really enjoy it—it always feels like a chore. My friends think I’m being too pessimistic and I’m too young to shut myself off to all aspects of modern dating. I’m in my early 20s, and I’m not going to swear off dating forever. I just want to focus on myself and doing the things I actually enjoy. Is this normal? If so, how do I explain to my nosy friends and relatives why I never bring a date?

—Single, Not Looking

Re: "It's just going to be me. Thanks."

  • Live your life you don’t need to be focused on dating if it’s not for you. 

    “It’s just me” is a fine response to anyone who is impolite enough to ask why you don’t have a date. 
    mrsconn23short+sassy
  • Do you know how often my friends and I would have each other as our "date" to things? Especially weddings. It's more fun with a friend anyways ...
  • I do sort of get where LW is coming from - I was basically in that situation until my mid-20s where I had no interest in dating, and I had some people think it was weird.  So it is annoying to get the comments that you are somehow incomplete without a partner, but at the same time, I eventually just owned it and ignored other people.  It's not a bad thing to be single, but we get that message from the media so much, that I think people just forget.  Especially this time of year with Valentine's Day.  I think I celebrated Valentine's Day more when I was single than as a couple!  It's all about the chocolate.

    charlotte989875short+sassyMissKittyDanger
  • kerbohl said:
    I do sort of get where LW is coming from - I was basically in that situation until my mid-20s where I had no interest in dating, and I had some people think it was weird.  So it is annoying to get the comments that you are somehow incomplete without a partner, but at the same time, I eventually just owned it and ignored other people.  It's not a bad thing to be single, but we get that message from the media so much, that I think people just forget.  Especially this time of year with Valentine's Day.  I think I celebrated Valentine's Day more when I was single than as a couple!  It's all about the chocolate.
    I'm married to the LW (metaphorically).  

    I even teased DH and asked why he wasn't asking out girls.   He had a 3 year dry spell in his early 20s.   Well...now he's 40 and married to me. Things happen and change. 
    kerbohlcharlotte989875short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • banana468 said:
    kerbohl said:
    I do sort of get where LW is coming from - I was basically in that situation until my mid-20s where I had no interest in dating, and I had some people think it was weird.  So it is annoying to get the comments that you are somehow incomplete without a partner, but at the same time, I eventually just owned it and ignored other people.  It's not a bad thing to be single, but we get that message from the media so much, that I think people just forget.  Especially this time of year with Valentine's Day.  I think I celebrated Valentine's Day more when I was single than as a couple!  It's all about the chocolate.
    I'm married to the LW (metaphorically).  

    I even teased DH and asked why he wasn't asking out girls.   He had a 3 year dry spell in his early 20s.   Well...now he's 40 and married to me. Things happen and change. 
    That’s my H too. It’s not that he didn’t like being with women, he didn’t like dating. And we were friends for a while before we were anything more. I’m sure he had a dry spell I don’t know how long but it wasn’t his thing then. 
  • banana468 said:
    kerbohl said:
    I do sort of get where LW is coming from - I was basically in that situation until my mid-20s where I had no interest in dating, and I had some people think it was weird.  So it is annoying to get the comments that you are somehow incomplete without a partner, but at the same time, I eventually just owned it and ignored other people.  It's not a bad thing to be single, but we get that message from the media so much, that I think people just forget.  Especially this time of year with Valentine's Day.  I think I celebrated Valentine's Day more when I was single than as a couple!  It's all about the chocolate.
    I'm married to the LW (metaphorically).  

    I even teased DH and asked why he wasn't asking out girls.   He had a 3 year dry spell in his early 20s.   Well...now he's 40 and married to me. Things happen and change. 
    That’s my H too. It’s not that he didn’t like being with women, he didn’t like dating. And we were friends for a while before we were anything more. I’m sure he had a dry spell I don’t know how long but it wasn’t his thing then. 
    I was friends with DH before we dated so there was some discussion.    
    charlotte989875
  • I feel for this LW!  It's such a "norm" in our society that people either are coupled or want to be coupled, that some people can't even fathom the idea of people choosing not to date.

    I think the LW should come up with a good 1-2 sentences that gets that point across.  And then just keep rinsing and repeating it, until friends/family get tired of asking.  Really annoying, yes.  But probably the fastest way to get people to stop asking.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • kerbohl said:
    I do sort of get where LW is coming from - I was basically in that situation until my mid-20s where I had no interest in dating, and I had some people think it was weird.  So it is annoying to get the comments that you are somehow incomplete without a partner, but at the same time, I eventually just owned it and ignored other people.  It's not a bad thing to be single, but we get that message from the media so much, that I think people just forget.  Especially this time of year with Valentine's Day.  I think I celebrated Valentine's Day more when I was single than as a couple!  It's all about the chocolate.
    Same. In theory, I wanted to date. But then I'd get into a relationship and be like "am I suppose to be all over this person? Should I be super into them?"

    Mind you a long time I was still into an ex and had realize I needed to accept we were never going to be a thing again in order to move on.
    charlotte989875
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