Time for a new gym? Different class?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been going to my gym for a little over a year now; I like it because it’s convenient, affordable, and offers a lot of community programs. I typically take whatever class is available at the time I stop by because I need the class format to keep me motivated, and that’s worked for me until about a few months ago, when an instructor I can’t stand started taking over most of the usual classes. She switches between positive/negative/condescending reinforcement with stunning rapidity and yells for most of the class—things like “Sweat is your fat crying” and “Think of all the food you’ll get to eat later! Crab legs, pizza, chocolate…”

I don’t know if I’m being oversensitive here. I know this is common talk in the fitness world, but I find it insulting as a fat woman and I thought this particular gym would be a more comfortable space then the name-brand fitness options. Also, being reminded of pizza in the middle of a high-intensity workout makes my stomach churn. Should I talk to her about it directly? She says she’s open to feedback, but she also says things like, “If you don’t hate me by the end of this class, then I’m not doing my job.” Write an anonymous letter to the gym? Start going to a gym farther away with different instructors?

–Combative Instructor

charlotte989875

If you like everything else about the gym, I’d tell her this type of motivation doesn’t work for you. But be prepared for her not to change what she’s doing. I would let them gym know, too because IMO the “sweat is your fat crying” is not acceptable. But they might not care, or do anything, and if that’s the case might be time to stick to other instructors or switch gyms. 

banana468

Why not trial a new gym?  Post on Nextdoor or a local Facebook group and see what other people like?  The good news is that at least in my area, there are a ton of places to work out. 

climbingsingle

That sucks. I had a somewhat similar situation with a trainer that left, and the new instructor was awful. During a spin class, she'd be literally screaming at people. I did end up leaving that gym. But also as someone that's previously suffered from eating disorders, I've had to have very frank conversations with trainers, and what my triggers are. 

If I were LW, I'd address it with a higher up/manager at the gym to see if they can get her to tone down things like that if they're not comfortable speaking with the instructor directly. 

downtondiva

High intensity and aggressive instruction seem to be the "in thing" in fitness right now, so I'm not surprised LW is running into this issue. I don't know that the instructor would be very receptive to this feedback, no matter what she's said in the past, but addressing it with a higher up at the gym may be worthwhile. However, if I were LW, I'd be investigating other gyms in the area in case this doesn't improve. Or, try to see if there are times when this instructor isn't around and see if they can work their gym-going schedule around that on a more consistent basis.

missJeanLouise

If LW feels comfortable talking to the trainer then they absolutely should. I am wondering though... What does LW want the trainer to say? Both of their examples sound like totally normal things for a trainer to say so I am curious what kind of encouragement they are looking for. 

charlotte989875

missJeanLouise said:

If LW feels comfortable talking to the trainer then they absolutely should. I am wondering though... What does LW want the trainer to say? Both of their examples sound like totally normal things for a trainer to say so I am curious what kind of encouragement they are looking for. 

“Great job”, “keep it up”, “last round then we’re done”? 

I disagree that these are, or should be, totally normal things to say during a class. I think if you know that someone like/is motivated by this type of motivation then fine, but I think it can at best be off putting to some people, and offensive/harmful to others. 

missJeanLouise

charlotte989875 said:

missJeanLouise said:

If LW feels comfortable talking to the trainer then they absolutely should. I am wondering though... What does LW want the trainer to say? Both of their examples sound like totally normal things for a trainer to say so I am curious what kind of encouragement they are looking for. 

“Great job”, “keep it up”, “last round then we’re done”? 

I disagree that these are, or should be, totally normal things to say during a class. I think if you know that someone like/is motivated by this type of motivation then fine, but I think it can at best be off putting to some people, and offensive/harmful to others. 

SITB

you are right, those are much better things to say. I don't go to a lot of gym classes so Idk what I expecting, lol. 

climbingsingle

For contrast, my trainer says things like "dig deep", "last round", "finish strong". It's always positive motivation. 

short+sassy

I think the best course of action (in order) is to speak to the trainer first.  I'm pretty sure what the trainer means when she says, “If you don’t hate me by the end of this class, then I’m not doing my job," is she strives to have a tough workout for her class.  Not, "If you find my words demoralizing and demeaning, you're being a baby."

But if the LW isn't comfortable with that or it doesn't work, then they should let management know their thoughts.

If it still doesn't solve or lessen the problem, they should see about fitting different classes in their schedule or going to a different gym.  Or even accept the situation and mentally block out the words that aren't instructions or wear ear buds to help drown out the instructor's words. 

short+sassy

Reminds me of a similar situation, albeit from television.

If any of you watch Chicago Fire, there was an episode that had a minor storyline about this topic.  One of the paramedics loved her spin class and was listening to the other paramedic complaining having trouble "making ends meet".  Paramedic 1 told her that she'd been approached by the owner of the gym to teach some spin classes, but she hadn't been interested.  But she'd put in a good word for Paramedic 2, if they were interested.

P-2 gets the p/t job and P-1 is really excited for the first class with her friend/coworker leading it.  Except P-2 is super harsh and uses negative reinforcement, similar to what the LW is describing, lol.  P-1 is mortified and hates the class.

P-1 approaches the owner of the gym about a week later.  To apologize for recommending P-2, she knows she turned out to be a terrible instructor, etc.  Except the owner starts talking first and profusely thanks P-1 for recommending P-2.  How the other students just love P-2's classes, they're booked solid, and people are requesting more.  P-1 doesn't say anything except "you're welcome", but now she's bummed, lol.  

kerbohl

I started an exercise class recently, and really like the instructor.  Like @climbingwife used as examples, she uses similar phrases.  And she even has newbies and diehards in the class and somehow doesn't make the newbies such as myself feel inferior.  Maybe some people like the negativity approach with exercise, but I don't much care for it.  But at  the same time, if this instructor had been like that, I would have found a way to tune that out.  People get motivated by different things.
I, however, would not like people to mention food during an exercise class.  I'm not exercising so I can eat more!  I'm exercising so I can do activities I enjoy without getting tired.