Dear Prudence,
I am a highly organized person who plans events for a living. I’ve always been prepared and anticipated and handled other people’s needs, usually joyfully. My therapist says that’s why I’ve attracted low-functioning people who need a high-functioning partner and friend, and that honestly never bothered me before. Suddenly and shockingly, however, I’m having a bout of depression, and I just don’t want to do everything anymore. I’m burned out, I’m tired, and I need to pull back. I love my family, friends, and partner, but I have trained them all over decades to expect that I will be the one to handle everything. I know I need to start taking things off my plate, but the thought of delegating seems overwhelming. Every time I try, they either procrastinate the task so unreasonably that I’m forced to step back in, or they have so many minor questions that by the time they’re fully briefed I could have completed it many times over. I know what I need to do, but I am botching the execution, which only makes me more depressed and resentful, too. My friends and family seem eager to help but are, I guess understandably, a little thrown that suddenly the dynamic has shifted so much. Any advice on how to turn this around? I know I could seek out more responsible folks to hang with, but that is just not something I’m able to tackle right now.
—Put That Burden Down