Dear Prudence,
Since high school I suspected that my father was cheating on my mother. He left some tabs open on the family computer that indicated that they were likely in an open relationship. However, it was never clear what exactly the arrangement was: Dad would disappear for long weekends, and my mom seemed sad, which upset me. I was always too scared to ask what exactly was going on, especially since my parents’ marriage isn’t my business, and once I was in college, I could “pretend” my dad wasn’t disappearing. My parents almost split up a few years ago but changed their minds after my mother had a health scare. They never told my sister they planned to split up. I’ve been staying with my parents for a few months while recovering from surgery, and I realize that what my dad is doing still upsets me and is hard to ignore.
My dad asked me to get coffee with him and his girlfriend, “Sally,” last Friday. He said that he knows it’s unconventional, but that it’s what he needs to do to feel happy, and his only other choices would be to split up with my mother. My problem isn’t that it’s an unconventional relationship. I just think that if people are going to be an open relationship, all parties should be on board for it, but it sounds like it’s something that my mom and his girlfriend put up with. Do I have any room to express my displeasure, or do I just deal with the situation until I can get back to my regular life?
—Fine With Open Relationships, Just Not My Father’s