Dear Prudence,
I have two siblings, both sisters, one of whom is beginning her transition. We are all grown and out of the house. My parents didn’t take it well, but my cis sister and I are both fully supportive and have taken the position with our parents that you can have three daughters or you can have zero. They’re trying but struggling to get on board. The thing is, I’ve thought since high school that I might be trans too. Since I found out my sister was having these feelings years ago, I’ve made sort-of joking comments to her about how we should “switch,” and that our parents would feel better because they’d still have a son and a daughter like they thought they did. My sister has asked me a few times if I’m contemplating hormone replacement therapy, but right now, I don’t know.
My concern is that as a queer cis “ally,” I am in a better position to help people—both in terms of helping my sister with my parents and helping trans people in my conservative field. I’m the head of the LGBT affinity group at my office, and I’ve been working hard to change policy to be more accepting of and helpful for trans people, but progress is slow, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to make people listen to me as easily if I start to transition. I’m also not sure that I’ve made enough changes that I feel comfortable trying it. My parents have also been through a serious health crisis and two family deaths in the past two years, and I’m worried they wouldn’t be able to handle another big thing. I feel lost.
—Family Likeness