Wedding Woes

I think you're looking to be offended.

Dear Prudence,

A close friend runs a small nonprofit, from which I have benefited greatly over the years. I support her and the organization, but as my life has changed (got married, had a kid), I’ve been less directly involved. Still, when she had a fundraising campaign recently, I de facto brought in one of the biggest donors (a relative who is only interested because of my involvement), almost doubled my own donation from last year, and spent time I didn’t really have giving her feedback on the marketing materials for the campaign and writing PR copy (things I do professionally, but did for her free of charge).

During the campaign, I received a message from her regarding a donor from last year’s campaign that basically said, “Hey, this is your friend, right? She gave X amount of money last year, and it would make such an impact if she would do it again.” I feel so incredibly put off by this message, and just didn’t respond. I know my friend had good intentions, and I want to give her feedback so that she understands why this wasn’t OK. But I can’t exactly put my finger on how to explain what was so uncomfortable about the message. Can you help me with a script to let her know that yes, I love and support what she does, but this was crossing a line?

—Friendly Fundraising

Re: I think you're looking to be offended.

  • I think messages like this are pretty standard for nonprofits, so I'm not sure you should be taking this quite so personally.

    That said, if you feel like she's being too pushy or taking advantage of you, you're not obligated to be as helpful/involved in the future.
    image
    short+sassy
  • If you feel like you are being over extended then tell the friend that you're over extended.

    But a nonprofit is NOT the same as a friend who is constantly asking for things personally.   This friend is doing this as her JOB.   So she's going to look for ways that she can raise money for the organization.    
    ILoveBeachMusicshort+sassymrsconn23charlotte989875
  • I can see a little bit where the LW is coming from.  If it isn't within her volunteer work to be reaching out to previous donors, then it is being too pushy for the friend to essentially say, "Hey, use your friendship to push this donor into giving again."  But, at the same time, I don't think this is a major faux pas, but the LW seems to be taking this way too much to heart.

    The LW just needs to respond with something like, "I'm not comfortable reaching out to my friend to solicit a donation.  I feel like that puts them in an awkward position.  But I'm sure they've received our marketing materials/emails/etc., so hopefully they'll donate like they did last year."

    My summary of this letter, like many Prudie letters, "Dear Prudie.  I don't know how to say no, even over the simplest things.  Please help.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    downtondiva
  • That’s about the nicest, low-key ask from a non-profit I’ve ever seen. 

    Non-profits make most (all) their funding from donors and grants, so if they can get a yearly donation from a major donor they’re going to try. 

    It doesn’t sound like LW is upset by the ask but about not be thanked profusely for their time and money. And yes that sucks but if you’re volunteer because you want to help not for the accolades of doing it. 
    mrsconn23VarunaTTbanana468
  • That’s about the nicest, low-key ask from a non-profit I’ve ever seen. 

    Non-profits make most (all) their funding from donors and grants, so if they can get a yearly donation from a major donor they’re going to try. 

    It doesn’t sound like LW is upset by the ask but about not be thanked profusely for their time and money. And yes that sucks but if you’re volunteer because you want to help not for the accolades of doing it. 
    RIGHT!

    And that's why IMO LW needs to attempt to draw a line here.

    If this was a friend who was constantly asking the LW to do things for HER it would be different.   Then it's a needy friend and  you start to feel used about a one-sided friendship that isn't reciprocal.

    But the friend is working for a nonprofit.   This is BUSINESS.   She's asking for things because that is her JOB.   
    ILoveBeachMusiccharlotte989875
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