Wedding Woes

She can be as friendly as she wants, you need to deal with your H.

Dear Prudence,

I am 67, and my husband is 70. We’ve lived in a small condo community for the last four years. A few doors down from us is a slightly older couple. The four of us became fairly good friends—dining out, going places together, etc. The 73-year-old wife is fairly attractive and well-endowed. I’ve noticed on several occasions she has done things that indicate she wants attention from my husband. She calls him “the party boy” and has complimented him on how “cute” he looks. She’s never complimented me but expects compliments herself. My husband is a highly friendly, social person. Sometimes we walk around the neighborhood, and she almost never misses the chance to be right there. She comes over frequently unannounced just to “come in and talk.” I feel that my privacy is being invaded unexpectedly, plus I don’t like the way she is so bold and the feeling I am getting about the way she is around my husband. On his birthday last June, she made his favorite dessert and brought it over to him. The other day we started out for a walk together, but it was windy so I turned and went home. He went on. Later I found that she had complimented him and took his picture. Now for what reason would she want his picture? Am I just being immature? Can you give me advice on how to deal with this?

—Too-Friendly Neighbor

Re: She can be as friendly as she wants, you need to deal with your H.

  • Talk to your H.   Tell him how you feel and that you trust him completely however you do not like what the neighbor is doing.   Address what SHE has done with facts.   Tell him that you would like him to understand how you feel. 

    Bring the dessert over?  Oh that can go right in the fridge.   That tells her that YOU can decide what's being served and when and that's not up to her.   


  • Lady, you're 67 and still in high school. Women can be as friendly and as well endowed as they like. If you trust your partner, it doesn't matter what anyone else does. 

    It doesn't sound like you trust your husband, but it also sounds like you'd rather blame this woman for everything that's wrong with your relationship rather than explore it. This woman is a highly friendly social person, so she's the devil, but your husband is a highly friendly, social person, so he is blameless. 
    charlotte989875ei34mrsconn23STARMOON44
  • Lady, you're 67 and still in high school. Women can be as friendly and as well endowed as they like. If you trust your partner, it doesn't matter what anyone else does. 

    It doesn't sound like you trust your husband, but it also sounds like you'd rather blame this woman for everything that's wrong with your relationship rather than explore it. This woman is a highly friendly social person, so she's the devil, but your husband is a highly friendly, social person, so he is blameless. 
    That is also a good point.   There are things she's pointing out that are perfectly innocuous.

    But I still think it's really weird to bring a married man his favorite dessert for his birthday.   I would seriously side eye someone doing that on DH's birthday. 
    ei34ILoveBeachMusic
  • banana468 said:
    Lady, you're 67 and still in high school. Women can be as friendly and as well endowed as they like. If you trust your partner, it doesn't matter what anyone else does. 

    It doesn't sound like you trust your husband, but it also sounds like you'd rather blame this woman for everything that's wrong with your relationship rather than explore it. This woman is a highly friendly social person, so she's the devil, but your husband is a highly friendly, social person, so he is blameless. 
    That is also a good point.   There are things she's pointing out that are perfectly innocuous.

    But I still think it's really weird to bring a married man his favorite dessert for his birthday.   I would seriously side eye someone doing that on DH's birthday. 
    I agree it's weird, at least from someone who isn't family or doesn't do it for everyone. It's just, as long as the partner is being a good partner, it's something they can giggle about together rather than something LW needs to fret about.

    I would think it was weird if a neighbor started making my H desserts, but my response would probably be to tease him mercilessly (in private). 
    mrsconn23charlotte989875
  • I think it definitely seems like she's flirting with the H.  However, if you trust your H, it shouldn't matter at all.  Talk to him.  
    ei34
  • Does she do it for anyone else?  Maybe she isn't a flirt and is just overly friendly.  I like to bake, and I feel like if I found out someone's favourite dessert, I would bake it for them, solely because it gives me an excuse to bake.
    The taking a picture though ... that's weird to me.

    Casadenacharlotte989875mrsconn23
  • I don't understand people who always answer the door or phone (dad was driving me nuts yesterday because he was supposed to be resting and then there was a moment where mom *really* needed him and he was on the phone trying to extend his extended warranty on his car?).  It seems to be a generational thing since I google every number that I don't recognize and let them go to VM.   Ha. 

    I understand why LW feels the way she does about the neighbor. What is described definitely sounds like either neighbor and H are completely clueless and truly just look at this as being friendly or neighbor lady has taken a shine to LW's H and he's either clueless or enjoys the attention/flirtation. (It's the latter, IMO.)  But attacking the neighbor lady won't help LW with her or her H.  This is legit a bit of HS drama for the senior set. 

    LW needs to tell her H how all this is making her feel, even if he has good, friendly intentions.  I think she needs to focus on the two or three most egregious things he's done or allowed (especially if it's happened more than once) and let go of the rest.  Her asking him something like, "Why would she want your picture?"  is going to make him defensive. But saying, "Hey, when we're in the middle of (name activity) and she shows up, we/you should tell her it's not a good time."  And also, "While it was nice of her to think of you on your birthday, I found it odd/presumptuous she made that dessert."

    And if we're off lockdown, maybe LW takes her H away for his bday this year?  LOL 
    banana468charlotte989875
  • LW is jealous, but neighbour lady is flirting.

    Her H may fluff it off because he's not into it, but might be worth saying to him that her actions make you feel uncomfortable.
    He may assure LW she has nothing to worry about, but at least he knows at that time she's uncomfortable so he could potentially even try to get neighbor lady to back off a bit
  • I think some of this just sounds like they are all really close friends. They travel together, live nearby, and dine out often with each other so I don’t think it’s that weird they know a lot about one another or hang out without their spouses. 

     But LW clearly does think it’s weird so it’s time to talk to the husband about how it makes her fee. Life is too short to hold on to this, or to give up what appear to be close friends over something that could just be a misunderstanding. 
    mrsconn23
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