Wedding Woes

You can't tell your "best friend" that their partner hurt you?

Dear Prudence,

My best friend started dating someone I used to be friends with—the friendship was long over before they started dating—and I miss my best friend! The person they’re dating has hurt me enough times in the past that even seeing their name makes me feel angry, and as hard as I try to be supportive and excited for my friend (because they’re happy and that’s good!), it’s really exhausting to keep this up, and I think my best friend can tell. I just want some way to tell them I miss them and I’ll be around if their partner is ever out of the picture, but I know I’ll wreck whatever’s left of our friendship if I say something like that. Is there any good way to tell someone, “I’ll be here when you break up with your partner, but until then, don’t call me”?

—Playing the Waiting Game

Re: You can't tell your "best friend" that their partner hurt you?

  • Yeah - why can't you tell this person that their SO was your friend and no longer is?? 
  • If this person is your best friend i'm surprised they dont' already know about your former friendship with their current partner.  Maybe it's a really new friendship?  Also, how did this not just naturally come up when bestie started talking about liking this former friend?  

    Idk - either they're not actually besties, or bestie already knows and doesn't care?  This just seems weird and silly to me. 
  • Yeah how does the best friend not know the boyfriend used to be LWs friend. I think it’s time to say “hey I used to be friends with Frodo and we’re not anymore”. You don’t need to say more or go into details but if the bestie is noticing things are off it’s time to say why. 
  • I don't really understand why the LW can't be friends with their BFF.  If they can't stand to be around the new b/f, then just spend time with their friend outside of his presence.  I would also recommend telling the BFF why the LW can't be around this person, if they don't mind doing that.  Just so they are aware of why the LW is acting like they are.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • LW probably feels like this is more complicated than it has to be
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